Dear dimwit on the phone

Dear facebook poster:

Telling us you want to read more than the first three paragraphs for free off our website is only going to piss us off. Telling us you don't even BUY the paper but still want all the content FOR FREE!!! Yeah, that will keep me calm.
Yes, I know big city paper 45 minutes away gives away the milk for free, they can because their website makes money off its website (maybe), ours doesn't. We still rely on rack sales and subscribers. Do you (or your ilk) not get the concept that if we don't sell papers, we won't have one?
Yes, I know our "competition" runs full stories for free. They also have a staff of 1.5 and basically run slighty rewritten press releases...you get what you pay for.

 

spikechiquet shows some cleavage but doesn't give away the milk for free.

 

This. Except for me, delete is the '3' key.

 

Dear Web site poster with no life,
Deleting a post where you call a public figure a "skank" is not censorship. We have clear rules about no personal attacks and no matter how many of your "friends" (I put it in quotes because I truly believe your only friends are the pictures you happen upon on the Internet, you in fact are a fat POS who lies on the couch in his mother's house) re-post it, any post calling someone a "skank" is coming down. Get over yourselves and go outside for once.

Thanks,
Spartan Squad

 

Dear person who left a voice message when I arrived today, claiming I am a racist because we never show the inner city schools on the television, just the pure-bred whities out in the 'burbs - you DO realize you called the newspaper, right? (Obviously, not.)

 

An oldie but a goodie that just came to mind from a few years back. I was taking a girls hoops box over the phone. We were clipping right along, until the following exchange

Her: "LaQuasha Jordan had 12 points."
Me: Can you spell that please?
Her: (Exasperated, elongated sigh) "J-O-R-D-A-N"
Me: Yeah, I got that. Can you spell LaQuasha, please?

 

As some coaches would say in my neck of the woods "Common spelling."

 

You quite cleverly have managed to dodge the question of your racism, I see.

 

No sir, baseball did not move to China. They're simply taking a few days off between the Division and Championship Series. Although, you are correct, it seems like everything these days is going to China.

 

Yes sir, I am biased. I hate people who waste my time with stupid questions.

 

Dear high school girls tennis coach:
Thanks for the note letting me know you're playing your crosstown rival today. I'd been wondering how the hell you've been since I haven't heard from you since the last time your team won a match. When was that, six weeks ago?

Oh and thanks for sending me the note at 8 a.m., when you know that (a) we're an afternoon paper that prints at 6:15 a.m. and the results won't get in until two days after the match, and (b) you know from my preseason coaches' letter I usually don't come in until 2:30 or so.

Oh, you want us to send a shooter too? Sorry, but they need more than an hour's notice on non-breaking news. I also need the assurance that if I send them, I'll get more in the paper than "Podunk High's Cami Catgut returns a shot from Podunk Tech's Lana Lobshot in yesterday's match. The Podunk Press and Shipping News did not receive results of the match by deadline."

 

Years ago...

Dear Suburban High fan:

I'm glad you liked our coverage of your team. Concerning your question as to why another paper in the area didn't cover your team, beats me.

What's that? Oh, we're "both in the news media business," so we're our brothers' keepers? Very interesting. Take care.