Dear dimwit on the phone

Dear uncle of a lineman,

No, I'm not a racist because I put your nephew on our all-area's second team instead of the first team. I didn't think he had as good a year as last year, and I'm not the only one who thinks so. I had coaches who faced him tell me they didn't think he was deserving of being on the first team this season.

As much as you want to believe our paper is racially biased, that simply isn't so. If we were, we wouldn't have done half the features that we have done this year, because most of our best athletes in the area are from minority races.

No, I don't care what your nephew did in the weight room. I care what he did on the field. What he did was play defensive lineman for a 3-7 team that gave up 29.7 points a game (33 if you take out a shutout against one of the worst teams in the area) and only made the playoffs because of how pathetic its district was. He wasn't dominant in that area either.

Have a nice day.

 

When you call me a fucking idiot, and I ask you not to use language like that, and you answer with "Just do your fucking job" and I hang up on you, then you call back and say "I'll bet you like to suck a big cock" and hang up, then call my publisher to complain that I was rude to you ... yes, I'll admit, I was rude to you.

 

Yeah, I would have answered the "I bet you like to suck a big cock" line with a "Not as much as your mother does".

It's probably a good thing I've never gotten a call like that. Yet.

 

What did your publisher say?

 

"This guy sounded insane"

 

What the heck did you do/say/write to warrant this outburst?

 

While I was on vacation, my agate guy ran the wrong Latest Line. When I took the first call, I talked to him while I got a copy of the section. When I saw the mistake I said "Oh crap." He started with "What the f^^^ are you guys doing down there?" and that's when I asked him to not use that language. It went downhill from there.

 

All I can get [/reggiedunlop]

 

Dear Coach of a girls basketball team that has won seven games in the last three years,

When you call in your scores, please give the full birth name of your players. I understand that Rashenda is not exactly the most common name in the world, but if it's the name she was born with, then it's the name we want. If I ever see "Shee-Shee Turner" printed in our paper again, I'm going to put my head through a brick wall and make you pay for the hospital bills. I have told you more than once to stop doing this, but apparently last night you thought it would be A-OK since our 19-year-old intern answered the phone and took your score. Frankly, you're lucky that we're giving your garbage team any coverage at all. You wore out your welcome there about five years ago and if you spent half as much time at practice as you do at your side job selling cars, you might actually sniff the playoffs for the first time in six years.

 

So how many points did my gal Shee-Shee score last night?

 

Mookie Wilson and Boomer Esiason would like to have a word with you.

 

That's the worst part - she's usually the only player on the team who scores in double-digits, so she's the only one mentioned on most nights. Two years ago, they had a short, rotund post player appropriately nicknamed "Stump". I shut that down the first time he tried to slip it through and he never tried it again. I think deep down even he knew it was too ridiculous.

And Pooh Richardson.

Oh well, when Shee-Shee makes the WNBA, she can go by whatever she wants.