Dear dimwit on the phone

Another one, Dear wrestling mom:

Don't come to me with eyes welling to bitch me out during the regional because your boy lost and never got a pic on the front page.
Don't mind the fact I wrote a feature about him and his cousins all being on the team and being the 2nd generation under the same coach as dad and you (when you were manager), and he was on the front page for that.
"Well, he had to share the photo with his cousins, he never got just a pic of HIM on the front page.
"He works so hard..."

 

But, Lady, at least he was in the paper, so he'll still get a scholarship. It just won't be a full-ride scholarship.

 

This one's left over from October... but better late than never.

Dear fuckhead reader:
Be sure to actually read the front page of the paper before calling me and telling me I forgot to include the location of a playoff game. Please do so before you take the time to rub my nose in shit, telling me that you hope no one is driving around, wondering where the game is, and how you might cancel your subscription because of such careless errors, and how I could make such a mistake.

If you do rub my nose in shit, make fucking sure you're right. But you didn't.

So when I grab a paper, and ask you to read the 30-point type directly above the headline, spelling out exactly where the game is, do the right thing. Be a man. Apologize for your failure to read, and your willingness to criticize.

Or, you could do the punk-ass bitch thing you did do... tell me you have to go, and hang up the phone. Lucky for you our system doesn't have caller ID. Because I'd have fucking called you back and let you know not to call me again unless youre goddam sure I made a mistake.

 

Dear fan of the wrestling team,

Don't send me a "story" on a two athletes claiming I do no coverage of them when I just did a feature on each of the players in the two weeks prior.

If you plan to make an arguement, know what you're talking about. Much obliged.

Sincerely,
Guy who just worked 87 hours.

 

fixed

 

I LOVE THIS THREAD ... THAT IS ALL

 

Dear Fucking Asshole:

Congratulations! You got your stupid ass drunk this weekend. We know you didn't have a designated driver because you don't have any friends. And instead of calling for a cab, you decided to drive your worthless ass home after drinking the night away. And our local police noticed your car swerving all over the roads, pulled you over and busted you.

So now that you got out of jail, your first call isn't to your lawyer, but to us to demand that we don't publish your name in our police blotter. You first told us that the police consipired to bust you. I guess blowing a .24 in a breathalyzer wasn't sufficient evidence enough.

You then threatened us with a slander lawsuit. Well go the fuck ahead. There's this thing called the "First Amendment" that says we can publish any truthful thing we want.

Then you whined about how we don't understand how life is so hard for you. Yeah, we know life is hard. We work at a newspaper. And life is so hard on one of our reporters, whose mother was killed by a fucking drunk driver just like you five years ago. That was a fun time consoling her.

So in conclusion, we're putting your name at the top of the police blotter and you should hit your knees (which you'll be doing plenty of where you're going) and thank someone that we don't put your name at the top of the front page.


Sincerely,

Stone-Cold Sober Journalist

 

Or the top of the obit page ... amen, brother!

 

What's even worse is when you run Johnny's photo and he's getting pinned. I've taken a few calls that consist of, "Why don't you ever have our guys on top?" Unfortunately, you can't say, "Because they never are."

 

What's even worse is when you run Johnny's photo and he's getting pinned. I've taken a few calls that consist of, "Why don't you ever have our guys on top?" Unfortunately, you can't say, "Because they never are."
[/quote]

Why can't you?

 

*applause*

 

While we're at it....

Dear Mr. In Charge of Facebook,

Leave things the f**k alone. I'm sick of your stupid changes to the site and hope you die in a car crash.

Hugs and Kisses,

-SchiezaInc