Dear dimwit on the phone

I'm always pleased when somebody tries to give me the heads-up about something and I already knew about it. Makes it seem like I'm paying attention. And then I remind myself that it was quite possible that I might not have been paying attention, so I'm pleased they thought of us anyway.

My rule: "I'd rather hear about something three times than not at all."

One exception: We keep getting calls about how an PGA player's mom was born around here. I did not need to know about that.

 

Peter Gibbons: I have eight different bosses, Bob.

Bob Porter: Eight bosses?

Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation, is to not be hassled ... that and the fear of losing my job, but you know, that'll only make you work hard enough to not get fired.

 

Did you get the memo?

 

I get those at least once every summer. I try to respond as nicely as I can, but it's a challenge. It pretty much comes down to, "This is my section and I get to decide how the information runs. If you want to dictate how the information runs, I can connect you to our advertising department."

 

How about when people give the losing team first when calling in scores? Hardly a big deal, but how f'ing hard is it to do something as simple as giving a score the proper way?

Or coaches who always give their players first, regardless if they win or lose their match, when reading off golf or tennis scores.

 

My peeve is people who just give the score. Not who won or lost...just the score.

 

I love doing that when someone calls in demanding a score, without even saying "hello."
Reader: What was the score of the East Shelbyville-Springfield game?
Me: 27-14 <click>

 

One time, a girls basketball team (that eventually reached the state final) basically won all its league games, and the head coach would normally just say the score because there was no way his team was losing (it was Class 1A in Oregon, so some teams were barely putting players who could make a basket on the floor). So one night...

"Sports, this is Petrie."
"Hey, John Smith, Podunk Christian girls."
"OK, hang on ... *pulls up roundup file* What was the final?"
"59-26 ... *waits 5 seconds* ... them."
"Wait ... what?"
"Nah, I'm just seeing if you were paying attention."

*That* one, I thought, was pretty funny.

 

I had a coach like that once. He was a good sport.
One night he called in a score similar to yours, so I asked him, "Was there a shot at the buzzer to win it?" Without skipping a beat he answered, "Yeah, we made a 32-point play, the old-fashioned way."

 

Me: Sports.

Coach: Calling in a softball game.

Me: OK, what was the score?

Coach: 7-4.

Me: And who won?

Coach: We did.

Me: And who did you play?

 

That is awesome.

 

I get three of those a day.