Depression, Part II

I feel much more compassionate toward my family once I decided to lower the fuck out of my expectations. I feel much better and am not burdening myself with expecting them to be capable of behavior that just isn't in them.

 

Very good point. If you don't beat yourself up over their shortcomings, it makes it a lot easier to accept what positives there are in the relationship, if any.

Sometimes, of course, you just have to cut the cord. Easier said than done.

 

Pretty much inversely proprtional to your closeness to the person in question, the ease of that.

 

Know what our family feud is over right now? You'll never believe it.

Mom passed away about four weeks ago, in North Carolina. The little brother, a pathological liar, was the only one close to her and lived near her. He had her cremated (He claimed "God" blessed him with a $2,500 charge card so he could pay half the cost -- I'm not making this up.).

After quickly shooting his idea down to "Send him $25 each and he will send us all part of her ashes...", we all agreed that it would be best if we "buried" her with our father in central Missouri.

After suggesting that our eldest sister and I, being the closest to Dad, take the ashes down and bury them, he (being in control and enjoying every minute of it) told me I needed permission from the other siblings.

After contacting them (two in California, two in Oklahoma), we all agreed that we should do just that. But wait a minute, little brother said he didn't want me doing it because I was in "cahoots" with the eldest sister (we are the only ones that are close). Eldest sister was "out of Mom's life" because she wouldn't co-sign for a car a billion years ago.

So now we're trying to get the little bastard to send them to another sister, who would get them to us.

HB, we seriously need to get together. I don't care if we drown our sorrows in a keg (for you) and a dozen daquiris (for me), or whether we just climb the closest mountain and shout obscenities until we are hoarse.

If I thought my beater would make it more than 30 miles, I have seriously thought about just going for a drive ... and going ... and going.

 

Even if you're not close, though, it's a thick line that many people find hard to cross. There's a certain finality to saying "fuck this shit," no matter how much good you know it will do you.

Saying it to someone in your immediate family, no matter how close you are or aren't, is a lot harder than saying it to someone you're not related to.

Once you say it ... you can't take it back.

 

Pretty hard to lower expectations without lowering respect as well. Can't say I'm a master of that.

 

I think the piece of shit SE has been reading the board.

Found some thumbtacks strewn on the front porch and sidewalk, all upside down.

Nobody else in these parts has that kind of insecure hatred (and is that cowardice).

 

The Christmas spirit is starting to envelop me like a black woolen cloak that weighs down my every step.
Throw in the stress of house hunting and my first boyfriend trying to contact me via Facebook and I just want to crawl under the covers and stay there until January.

 

Sorry to hear those trigger bad memories for you, Flash.

 

Thanks, wick ... I think I just need to hit the mountains and go for a hike.

 

I'm not a big fan of taking interpersonal things to the police, but I'd consider reporting that. Teenagers pulling pranks on one another is one thing, but a grown man going onto your property to harass your family is another. Your wife and kids shouldn't have to worry about some dude tiptoe-ing around your house with a box of thumbtacks. Holy fuck.

Of course, lacking any proof, you've no way of knowing who did it...could have been a kid or just a random malevolent. But still, I'd be pretty defensive about someone hostile to me coming uninvited to the place where I live, period.

 

Sorry I'm coming to this late, but here's my advice. Make a car payment, fuck the collection agencies. They'll wait. They threaten because they want the money now, but they'll wait a long time before they sue. Honest. School loans have deferment programs and most hospitals have programs for people who can't afford their treatment. They'll essentially erase your debt. Honest. Look into all this, Harley.