Depression, Part II

I guess.

 

I have an old friend, old as in he's not really a friend anymore. The night I smashed my car into a truck, he was the catalyst. The morning three of my friends went to jail for coke possession, he was the catalyst. I watched him fire gunshots into his neighbor's trailer. The guy was a nutball.

But I'll never forget what he told my girlfriend one day. She had pretty much sent me into depression with her constant insanity. And I quit my job through this depression and a lot of partying.

When she confronted me, though, he said the simplest of things: "It's not like he's never going to have another job. It's not like that was the only job he was ever going to get."

It's probably the only thing that guy ever said or did that left an impression on me. Suddenly, I had clarity through the haze. It was as though someone believed in me when I didn't believe in myself, and it made all the difference.

Harley, we all believe in you. You wouldn't be here pouring out your soul if you didn't have the will to move forward. Your daughter knows this. Your whole family knows this. It's time that you knew this, buddy. So now you know.

This is America, where you can write a book about being in the dumps and sell a million copies, where you can start a company out of a van and become the wealthiest guy in the county. There are people who would give everything they own just to stand on this soil. It means that a dream can come true, that a guy who came from nothing can rise to the top on sheer will and hard work.

Your break is coming. But you won't see it if you don't get the juices flowing in the morning. Open your eyes and look around. The light is there. You'll find it. I'm sure of it. Good luck again, my friend.

 

It's people like I_S that make this site a gold-mine.

 

My wife suffers from bipolar disorder and obviously one of the symptoms is depression. Late last year my wife decided to have her dog trained to be a psychiatric service dog. It cost her some money, but in the end it was worth it and the dog helps her everyday. She was recently featured on the local NBC station here in Chicago. While service dogs for this use are rare, pets can definitely help people with depression. Check out the link.

http://video.nbc5.com/player/?id=195758

 

What he said, about 10,000 times over. Bravo.

Remember this. As long as you keep plugging away, there is a chance of things improving. The moment you STOP plugging away, there is NO chance of things improving. They can only get worse if you choose that option.

So the option is to keep going. And know there are people here willing to listen -- and occasionally, like I_S, say something that might make a difference.

 

Harley - maybe you can't get your kids a Playstation 3 right now (it might not be a good thing if you could afford it), but if you can look forward and do your best and express your love, you can give them hope and that might be more important than anything.

 

I hate this time of year. Absolutely despise it.

Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Year's. Everyone's supposed to be happy, right? I'm not. I'm fucking miserable. I hoped that I'd die in my sleep so I wouldn't feel any more pain. I believe that there are people who are supposed to go through life without experiencing joy.

I'm really fucking tired right now.

 

I used to get hit with a Christmas Monster that would generally last from mid-December to mid-January but some years from Thanksgiving to Valentine's Day.
You can get through it.

 

I spent NYE with my phone off, the L&O marathon on for background noise, reading a book while crying like a fucking asshole. I wanted to spend Thanksgiving/XMas/NYE with the lights off, phone off and eating Boston Market. That ain't good, I don't think.

 

hockeybeat,

I read these threads quite a bit, but comment little. FWIW, I've read enough of your post to think you have a very good understanding of depression, your struggles, relationships, etc. That, in itself, is more of a blessing than you may realize. If you know what to look for, where it lurks, and how it operates, that's a huge leg up.

 

I'm spending the first week of the new year:

* Waiting two more weeks before my wife gets paid
* Trying to find ANY job that will help bring in some pay
* Waiting and waiting for a decent job to open up in a four-state area
* Trying to figure out how to get the phones turned back on
* Trying to figure out how to get Progressive to get us back on auto insurance because the fucking check wasn't post-dated the right date
* Trying to figure out how to get a battery for my beater because I can't get the damn thing started
* Hoping my one prized possession sells on eBay so I can make the first payment to two lawsuits before they garnish my wife's wages

Guys, it just keeps getting better.

 

Beat, good luck with it. Do you have an appointment scheduled with your therapist? If not, get in there ASAP.