Depression, Part II

This moved on the wire today:

 

I completely agree with this one. There's something about even going just a few minutes a week that really makes me feel much better. Time in the gym helps too. It's really hard to get started in a routine of going, especially when I feel like I just want to crawl into a hole, but it really does help.

 

Along those same lines I joined a paint ball league in my area. Strange as it may be I find it very therapeutic to squeeze the trigger of my automatic paint weapon and send a volley towards my opponents. A good battle really gets your heart racing and makes you feel alive. It also gets you out with a lot of fun people.

 

That's a shockingly good idea.

To quote Elle Woods (I can't believe I'm doing this) Exercise releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy (and the rest of the quote doesn't apply because HB hasn't murdered anyone yet.)

 

I wouldn't exactly reccomend owning a firearm to someone who is depressed but you can rent guns at most ranges. I can't even begin to explain the endorphins released when I go shooting at the range. All I can say is it is amazing!! It helps that I'm pretty damn good at it.

 

It must be why I like paint ball so much . Its good harmless fun to plaster your enemy.

Zeroing in and pasting an unsuspecting opponent between the googles with a paint ball is very uplifting .

 

I wish this thread wasn't necessary...

Right now, I feel completely out of sorts. It seems like my ADD/depression are really taking its toll on me, especially at work. Productivity is down, among other things, and my boss is justifiably getting on my case. He knows about what's going on inside my head and he's been supportive. But things have been slipping and I fear he may be losing patience, and I may lose something else. My greatest fear is that I get canned and that all but ends any chance of a career, disappointing every single person that chose to believe in me and flushing whatever talent I have down the pipe. I'm flat-out scared. I don't know what else to do with my life beyond sports journalism or baseball. I think I'm going to say a prayer and lay down for a bit, try to slow all this down. Not sure what else to say.

 

I'm really sorry you're going through this. And I certainly hope you don't lose your job. I'm sure you do a good job.

But being fired ain't the worst thing in the world. You will have some time to be able to get yourself right and maybe there are opportunities for you to freelance and do other things--keeping you in the business.

 

Good Luck Phila.

I really hope things turn out for the best.

 

My boss at my last gig was incredibly understanding.

He sat me down and admitted he didn't know much about depression, but he wanted to get me some help. He is the one who not only recommended I see a counselor, but he went above and beyond, speaking to the publisher about me. They agreed to eat the cost of the first few counseling sessions (my biggest problem was financial).

I'll never forget them for that.

 

I don't want future employers to get the impression that I'm unreliable. I know I'm a good writer and I certainly care a lot about the biz, baseball and myself, but fucking A, things I just going in circles. I wish I could just stop time, get my shit straight and then go on. But instead, I feel like I have almost no control. I feel so sad. I almost never air my issues out like this, a public forum, but for some reason, I just am. Thanks for bearing with my blubbering.




EDIT - I am seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist. I have a very loving gf and I'm close with my parents, who are in Myrtle Beach right now. Just started taking risperdal (a mood stabilizer), along with the generic form of zoloft and provigil. The risperdal and provigil are supposed to help with the ADD and focus, but hasn't been doing shit for me lately.

Anyone how in the hell Mike Wallace fought through his problems and still get to/stay where he is?