Design thread .... v.2

i called dyepack. he said you misssspelled something or another.

 

His is a standard to which I aspire, but I'm afraid I'll never reach.

Thanks, bc8, for the reassurance.

 

Few things, Hustle.

1. Lose the whited-out illustration at the top. It doesn't add anything to the package. The only art you need is the big cutout, and a different headline.

2. You need to anchor the bottom of the cutout to something. Why not a shaded breakout box stretching across the bottom?

3. Move the cutout over to the left and maybe box the entire package. There's way too steep a dogleg on the left side of the copy.

Hope that helps.

 

That does help, thanks.

The only reason I did the faded out photo at the top was this: I know from my own experience that I hated camp, and just prayed for the days when we got into the routine of the regular season. So I tried to play that in the artwork: The top, a regular season TD in front of home fans, is kind of what you're dreaming of while you soldier through camp, which is freaking miserable. (That's part of the reason I went with a cutout on the bottom - hard-edged reality.)

2. I debated about putting the box that wound up on top on the bottom; discussed it with our photo ed. He (someone I trust) was concerned about Rabach's legs fading off into text.

3. Was something I also considered, but I thought it was important to get at least some of the hose from the water cannister on.

Seriously, GD, I don't mean to counter anything you said - I really am appreciative. I just wanted you to know that I did consider all of these things and didn't just go about it willy-nilly.

 

Hustle--

My $.02: Seems like too much white space to me. Seems as if the space could have been put to better use somehow. The first time I saw it, I thought there must have been a problem with the photo, like something didn't transfer right, because it just seemed off.

But I'm a hack, so don't take me too seriously.

 

More for the gallery. I really like the second one:

 

To me, the first one looks more like a skyscraper than a syringe. I think the needle needed to be a bit longer. As it is, it looks like a flagpole.

The second one is a little confusing. It's hard to know where to start with the package. The display head feels disconnected from the rest of the CP. Then the subhead leaves you a long way from the start of the story. Maybe it could have worked better if you had gone with subhead/photo/story or photo/subhead/story.

All of that being said, you're trying interesting things and that's important. It also seems like you have a fairly sophisticated design scheme for the paper in general, and that's a nice place to start.

 

This is my first page at my new gig. Any comments? Keep in mind this is the first edition of the new redesign, mimicing The Virginian Pilot, and is a 6,000 circulation weekly. What do you think?

To view it bigger just go to this link:

http://www.newspagedesigner.com/users/10597/Sports08.jpg

 

To me, doctor, it seems like kind of a pedestrian main picture. I'm guessing that's some kind of feature, so if possible, I think a more feature-y photo would have been nice.

But really, that's just picking nits. It's a solid page. No real flaws that I can see, and that's really the most important thing now, isn't it?

 

Those mugs need to be somewhere else, not in between the headline and body copy.

I like the idea of white space on the centerpiece, but it seems odd when you have an inch or so left-and-right, then the text runs a "normal" length to the horizontal line. Maybe have the pitcher's foot touch the line, but keep the text up a ways.

 

What Appgrad said about the mug shots. They need a better location. Plus those two photos of the pitcher are just too similar to make that a real standout centerpiece. I'd keep the cutout of him throwing and maybe use a reaction/emotion shot for the main photo.

 

how 'bout an environmental portrait?