Fact, not Opinion: Mayonnaise is the Queen of Condiments

Does a condiment have to be liquid? Like, are bacon bits a condiment? No, right? They're seasoning? I'm picturing hot dog stands in Toronto. Cole slaw? Grilled onions? Those are foodstuffs, not condiments, right? If you would eat it on its own, it's not a condiment.

Maple syrup would be a condiment, right? RIGHT?

Oh fuck, this is going to consume the rest of my life.

 

Bacon bits, possibly a condiment, but how versatile is bacon bits, same as maple syrup.
Think olive oil, balsamic vinegar and siracha vinegar are much more versatile.
Think it was J Taylor who mentioned pesto. That's a pretty versatile non-liquid condiment.

 

Bacon is food. A side dish. Or an ingredient.

I think cole slaw is a side dish. Not a condiment.

Chopped onions might be considered a condiment. Or a topping. A topping used both on hotdogs and chili.

Chili is itself a topping, especially on hot dogs, but is not a condiment.

Grilled onions are a topping, but I'd assert they are not a condiment.

Maple syrup, like honey, is a sweetener. Neither food, nor condiment.

Same for honey.

Unless you're putting it on fried chicken, with some hot sauce, then it's a condiment.

Etc.

 

I put peanut butter on my burgers. That makes it a condiment. When I put it on toast, however, I would not call it a condiment. I would call it a spread.

I am in physical agony.

 

Maple syrup would be condiment with pancakes and waffles. Perhaps the only acceptable condiment for those dishes.
I'm not even sure what else you'd put on those dishes, or put syrup on, to be honest.
So maple syrup, to me, is a condiment, but it's a 16-seed in the bracket because its applications are rather limited (unlike mustard, mayo or ketchup, which can go on a number of things).

 

A-1, or steak sauce, is like the Butler/Gonzaga of condiments. Long, solid, track record, and good enough to make it to the championship and maybe win, but it’s not considered a blue blood.

 

It also dominates its conference (steak), and can step out and take down some excellent non-conference competition (baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, some breads), but usually winds up getting beaten by some common power conference team (french fries, vegetables, most meats other than beef).

 

Hummus

 

I can go into a restaurant and order hummus. If you can order it as a standalone item, that makes it food and not a condiment.
If anything, pita bread is the condiment in that relationship.

 

I use jalapeño cilantro hummus as a condiment on everything. Chicken, beef, pork.

Bread is not a condiment. That’s crazy talk.

 

Horsey sauce is fantastic, but Chik-Fil-A sauce is where it’s at for me. It’s one of the few sweet condiments I like, along with my humble No. 16 seed submission for the bracket:

 

This how I roll.