Favorite Euphemisms

Immediate consumption outlet=convenience store

Branded accomodation product=hotel chain

Exceed our customers' expectations=we'll only fuck up once a week

And my favorite, which we just heard the other night from someone who works for Sun Life.

Guess what, folks?

According to Sun Life, you're never "sick" or "dying of cancer".

You are merely having a "health event".

I shit you not.

 

Is that like people "assuming room temperature" when their heart stops beating?

 

Anybody use the term "drop some friends off at the pool"?

 

pinch a loaf

 

take the browns to the super bowl

 

Shake hands with the unemployed.

 

My best friend says "Code: Magenta" when she and friends are out at a bar and she has to.

 

Weaselwords.com, an Australian website is shutting down. Here's the notice on their website:

The timeframe for this site is approaching permanent disconnect. In terms of going forwards we are not. We retain our commitment to our vision and our values but we are time-poor, challenged in terms of our fiscal position and cannot service the target, much less push the envelope and achieve continuous improvement in the present context. Our high-performance upstream customer interfacing with ongoing value creation and appropriate site servicing is not possible in the time period that awaits us. So we are downsizing to zero, re-branding to blank.

Recontextualized, this negative outcome has an upside. We have value-added in terms of partnerships with many of our stakeholders, networked with discussants and drilled down to some core issues of contemporary communication. We thank you for inputting. You have been nothing less than the key indicators in our goal-matrix.

With others now building similar capacities in blogs, it is our strategy in the short term remaining to us to highlight these. Before we self-attrite, if you know of a blog that is cascading the vision of a world with less bullshit in it, please email us. Closure will then be implemented.

 

I'm taking that one to work on Sunday for someone I work with who is a Cleveland-area resident and Browns season ticket holder.

 

taking the browns to the super bowl is my all-time favorite

when i was first dating my recent ex, i was 'between jobs'. one of her father's friends asked what i did, i said i was a 'freelance writer' he replied, 'that means you're unemployed, right?'

i had no choice but to say yes

 

I remember a journalism 101 discussion on euphemisms. We were talking death.

My personal favorites:
He "bought the farm."
and...
"Jesus called."

Our response to "Jesus called" was....well hell, why would you answer!

 

Slide some wolf