Favorite Euphemisms

"Suspended for an undisclosed violation of team rules."

He/she did something illegal and got caught. Take your pick if it was drugs, sexual assault, plain assault, DUII or other alcohol misconduct, or the dipshit flunked out.

 

probably before caller id

and i bet jesus knows someone in the phone company who could disguise his number

 

bullshit. i heard he can't even hit a curveball.

 

"It's just Manny being Manny" is a euphemism for "Dude is retarded but can hit like a mo fo."

 

Ripped from Yahoo! ...

A
Abusing the usual suspect
Angry fist action
Answer the bone-a-phone
Assault on a friendly weapon

B
Backstroke roulette
Baiting your hook
Ball off
Batting practice
Bash the bishop
Bash the candle
Beat off
Beat your hog
Beating the bait
Beating the bishop
Beating the dummy
Beating the snake
Beating the stick
Beating your meat
Being your own best friend
Belt your hog
Blanket drill, The
Bleed the lizard
Bleed the weed
Blessing the alter boy
Blow Your load
Bludgeon the beefsteak
Bop the baloney
Bop the boa
Bop the hog
Boppin' your bologna
Box the Jesuit
Boxing the clown
Buckin' it
Buffing the banana
Buffing the wood
Burping the worm
Bust a nut
Butter your corn

C
Cajun clown f@cking
Calling down for more mayo
Calling genie
Cast off
Chafing the weasel
Changing your oil
Charm the cobra
Chicken milking
Choking Charlie 'till he throws up
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
Choke Kojak
Choke the bishop
Choke the chicken
Cleaning out the rope
Cleaning the pipes
Cleaning the rifle
Clubbing Eddy
Clubbing the dolphin
Coax the cajones
Coming to grips with yourself
Couch hockey for one
Cough your filthy yogurt
Cracking one off
Cracking the fat
Crank the Shank
Cranking
Creaming the banana
Crown the king
Cuff the carrot
Cuff the governor
Cuffing the puppy

D
Date Rosey Palm and her five daughters
Dating Miss Michigan
Detoxifying the puppy
Devil's handshake
Diddle yourself
Dishonorable discharge
Doing the knuckle shuffle on your piss pump
Dong flogging
Doodle your noodle
Drain the dragon
Drain the monster
Drain the vein
Drip the pickle
Drop off a load
Drubbing the dolphin

E
Eberting Siskel

F
Fapping
Fertilizing the Lawn
Fetch the bagel dog
Fiddle the ferret
Fight your turkey
Firm your worm
Fist f@ck
Fist kabobing
Fist your mister
Five against one
Five finger knuckle shuffle
Five knuckle olympics
Flog yourself
Flogging the bishop
Flogging the dolphin
Flogging your dong
Flogging your log
Flong your dong
Flute solo
Flying a kite
Fondle the fig
Freeing the willies
Friction therapy
Frig yourself
Frigging the love muscle
F@ck Mary Fist

G
Gallop the antelope
Get a hold of yourself
Get your nuts off
Getting in touch with your manhood
Getting in touch with yourself
Getting to know yourself
Getting your caps peeled
Gherkin jerkin'
Giving it a tug
Giving oneself a "low-five"
Giving the John Hancock
Grease the pipe
Greasing your bone
Grip your dip
Grooming your junior

 

H
Hack the hog
Ham shank
Hand dancing
Hand jive
Hand job
Handle yourself
Hands on training
Hand to gland combat
Hand to hand combat with the purple helmeted warrior
Hand work
Having a pull
Having a roy
Have it off
Have one off the wrist
Heating up the hot dog
Hitchhike under the big top
Hitching to Heaven
Hit the ham
Holding all the cards
Holding your sausage hostage
Hone your bone
Hump your fist
Hump your hose
Humpin' air

I
Interrogating the witness
Ironing some wrinkles

J
Jack hammer
Jack off
Jackin'
Jackin' the beanstalk
Jag off
Jazz yourself
Jerk off
Jerk the gherkin
Jerk the Johnson
Jibbin'
Jiggle the jewelry
Jimmying your Joey
Juggling the javelin

K
Keep the census down
Kick one out
Killing kittens
Killing the beast
Knock the top off
Knuckle shuffle

L
Launching the hand shuttle
Leakin' the main drain
Living by the fat of the hand
Lizard milking
Loping your mule
Lynching the one-eyed monster

M
Makin' gravy for the biscuit
Making the bald guy puke
Making nut butter
Making yogurt
Mangle the midget
Manipulate the mango
Manual exercise
Manual override
Manual pollution
Masonic secret self handshake
Massage the muscle
Massage the purple-headed warrior
Menage a moi
Milking the bull
Milking the lizard
Milking the monkey
Milkywaying
Molding hot plastic
Muscling up

N
Nerk your throbber

O
Oil the glove
Oiling the pogo stick
Onanism
One handed clapping
One handed humpty hump love pump, The
One handed rodeo, The
One-legged race, The
One man show
One man tug-o-war
One man wrestling
One man's game

P
Pack your palm
Paddle the pickle
Paint the pickle
Paint the walls
Pat the Robertson
Peel the banana
Peel the carrot
Peter beater
Petting the dog
Playing with D*ck
Playing with Susie Palm and her five friends
Playing with the noodle
Play pocket pool
Play the organ
Play the pisser
Play the p*ss pipe
Play the skin flute
Play the stand-up organ
Playing with the snake
Playing your instrument
Play with yourself
Plunk your twanger
Pocket pinball
Pocket pool
Pokin' the palm
Polish the bishop
Polish the chrome dome
Polish the helmet
Polish the rocket
Polish the sword
Polish your bayonet
Polish your helmet
Polish your piece
Polishing the banister
Polishing the cue stick
Popping the porpoise
Pound off
Pound your flounder
Pound your p*ss pump
Pound your pomegranate
Pounding your pud
Preemptive infanticide
Private arm exercise
Prod the peepee
Promoting carpal-tunnel syndrome
Pudwhacking
Pud wrestling
Pull the root
Pull off
Pull your pud
Pull your pudding
Pull yourself off
Pulling the goalie
Pulling the p*ss pump
Pulling the pole
Pulling the pope
Pulling the pud
Pulling the taffy
Pulling the wire
Pulling your pickle
Pump your pickle
Pumping for pleasure
Pumping for power
Pumping the python
Pumping your gas at self-service island
Punchin' the clown
Punchin' the munchkin
Punishing Percy
Punishing the bishop
Punishing the priest
Punishing the Evil Merchant

Q
[none]

R
Ram the ham
Releasing the hostages
Ricky boxing
Ride the great white knuckler
Ringing the bell
Rolling the fleshy blunt
Roman helmet rhumba
Ropin' the long horn
Rope the pony
Roughing up the suspect
Rounding up the tadpoles
Rub off
Rub one out
Rub the unicorn's horn
Rubbing Peter to pay Paula
Run off a batch

 

S
Saluting the general
Sanding the main mast
Shaking hands with the unemployed
Shlackin' the glacknoid
Scraping the carrot
Scratching the itch
Seasoning your meat
Self-love
Sending out the troops
Setting sail with Captain Thumb on the USS Hand
Sex with your best friend
Shag off
Shaking hands with Abe Lincoln
Shaking hands with shorty
Shaking hands with the governor
Shaking hands with the unemployed
Shake the snake
Shaking the tree
Shifting gears
Shine your pole
Shining the helmet
Shining the torpedo
Shooting enemies
Shooting practice
Shooting putty at the moon
Shooting Sherman
Shooting without scoring
Shower spank
Shucking Bubba
Shucking the corn
Simple infanticide
Slam the hammer
Slammin' the salami
Slappin' pappy
Slapping the clown
Slapping Uncle Willy
Slap boxing the one-eyed champ
Slap my happy sacs
Slap the salami
Slapping the cyclops
Slapping your chub
Slinging jelly
Sloppy Joe's last stand
Sloppy sign language
Smacking the snake
Smite the dragon
Snap the monkey
Snap the whip
Snapping your carrot
Solitary sin, The
Spank the frank
Spank your monkey
Spear chucking
Spit-shine the purple helmet
Splurtin' the spladder bladder
Spreading the mayo
Spunk the monk
Squeeze the cream from the flesh twinkie
Squeeze the lemon
Squeezing the tube of toothpaste
Squeezing the burrito
Stall clapping
Stir the soup
Strangling the snake
Strangling the Wonka
Stroke off
Stroke the stallion
Stroke your poke
Stroking it
Stroking your goat
Stroke your poker

T
Tadpole rodeo, The
Taking a core sample
Taking a shake break
Taking advantage of yourself
Taking Herman to the circus
Taking Little Johnny dancing down at Knuckle Junction
Tame the wild hog
Taming of the shrew, The
Tap the turkey
Tease one out
Tease the python
Tease the weasel
Tenderize the meat
Tethering the blimp
The erky jerk
The sticky page rhumba
Threading a needle
Throttle the bottle
Throw off a catch
Throwin' down
Thump the pump
Tickle the Elmo
Tickle the pickle
Tickle your goodfoot
Toss off
Toss the boss
Toss the midget
Toss the turkey
Touch off a batch of orphans
Tugging the tapioca tube
Tugging the tubesteak
Tug of war with cyclops
Tuning the antenna
Turning on the ivory faucet
Tussle with your muscle
Twang your wire
Tweek

U
Uncorking the champagne
Unwrapping the pepperoni

V
Varnishing the cane
Vinegar stroke

W
Wailing
Waking up your bro
Walking the dog
Walking Willie the one-eyed wonder worm
Wang whacking
W#nk(ing)
W#nk the Willy Wonka
Wanking the crank
Waxing the dolphin
Wax your Jackson
Wax your weasel
Wax your Willy
Whack the bag
Whack off
Whack your tack
Whacking the weed
Whapping your wang
Whip the cummy
Whip your cripper
Whipping the one-eyed wonder weasel
Whipping the pony
Whipping the window washer
Whipping up a batch
White water wristing
Whizzin' J*zz
Wiggling your worm
Willy tickle
Winding the Jack In The Box
Wing it
Wonk your conker
Work one out
Working a cramp out of your muscle
Working your willy
Wrestling Jimmy
Wrestling the bald-headed champ
Wrestling the bald-headed sumo
Wrestling the eel
Wring out your rope
Wring your thing
Wringing 'round the rosie
Wrist aerobics

X
[none]

Y
Yahtzee
Yank my doodle dandy
Yank off
Yank the yodel
Yank your crank
Yank your yam

Z
Zipper surfing

 

Great Thread!

I like "Manny was Manny again. WE are going to have to trade Edgar"

 

In the same vein (if you will) of Del_B_Vista's exhaustive posts, we bring you the Bloodhound Gang's Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo lyrics ...

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Vulcanize the whoopee stick
In the ham wallet

Cattle prod the oyster ditch
With the lap rocket

Batter dip the cranny ax
In the gut locker

Retrofit the pudding hatch
Ooh la la
With the boink swatter

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so hypothetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Unifrom Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Marinate the nether rod
In the squish mitten

Power drill the yippee bog
With the dude piston

Pressure wash the quiver bone
In the bitch wrinkle

Cannonball the fiddle cove
Ooh la la
With the pork steeple

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so hypothetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Unifrom Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where pronto

 

Eww. That sounds like she needs a tampon. :-X

 

You would think, but apparently that's her code for needing to poo. She kept saying it and none of us got it (we were all drunk). She tried to explain it, but we still thought she was stupid and decided to take a shot of vodka and cranberry and call it Code Magenta. She was SO embarrassed.

 

Who posted the list of all the things JR wants to do with Damon Allen?