First-world problems

I had to go in and edit the TV listings, removing, "MLB -- World Series, 7 p.m., Fox, N.Y. Mets at Kansas City (if necessary)" from my television listings.

 

Its disappointing when I don't get a good parking spot in my building in the AM upon arrival and I have to drive up a few floors; only in America.

 

There are days I show up to work and the street-side parking closest to the office entrance is blocked with cars. That means I have to park more than a block away in a small parking lot or if that is full, I have to go to the other lot which means I have to walk slightly more than two blocks to the office.

 

I was beaten out in claiming DeAngelo Williams on the waiver wire in my fantasy league.

 

My flight ended before my in-flight movie did.

 

Was actually on a flight many years ago, Spokane to O'Hare, where the movie was the Clint Eastwood-John Lithgow flick "Line of Duty" and the passengers refused to leave at the gate until the end was shown. Got their way, too.

 

Burnt my pinkie on the sauna door tonight.

 

Pinkie. That sounds about right. Should have kept your robe on.

 

You do know I set that up for you? I get an assist!

 

No, but seriously, it was my pinkie, and it still hurts.

My uncle, on the other hand, did burn his dick. As a kid, he went running out of the bathtub through the cold farmhouse and up to the wood stove, which was glowing cherry red. Well, my uncle stopped real close, but his dick swung forward and touched the stove.

Physics. My dad loves telling this story about his brother, who denies it.

I'll leave out the rest of the details. Suffice it to say there was a lot of running around, screaming, crying and a scab.

 

And your uncle is Ron Jeremy?! Explains a lot, actually.