Football parent: But they try just as hard as everyone else!

The sheer stupidity of our readers never ceases to amaze me.

 

If they're anything like those we've read about on another recently started thread here, why?

 

Memo to Parents: Did your parents call the newspaper when you were in high school? Probably not. Learn from your parents and pass that down to your kids. Please!

 

Parent: "I bet you went to Podunk County High."
Me: "No, I went to Shitfuck High?"
Parent: "Where is that?"
Me: "Three time zones to the east." Click.

People became obsessed about where I went to school once I moved to sports.

 

I can relate. I kindly inform people who claim I went to High School A that, in fact, I graduated from a high school 3,000 miles away.
But High School A's parents claim I went to H.S. B or C, H.S. B thinks I went to A or C, C, well, they just don't sweat it as much. I like them.

 

i was given the old "if the paper just supported our team more ..." line of bullshit today. sad, because it's true.

 

At my last paper, our SE's daugher went to local Catholic school, so people automatically assumed he was fan of said school.

We always got a laugh because he and his daughter talked about how much they both hated that school and could gve two shits if they won a game.

I was glad I was from out of state because i shut more than a few people up when they accused me of having a rooting interest in whatever school. Yeah, like my Kentucky twang sounds like I was from Northern Ohio and went to school there.

 

Yeah, the kids are upset.
But nowhere near as upset as the helicopter parents

 

Sounds like our SE and what he's been through.

One school says he went to HS N because of this article he wrote during basketball season about said team being "thuggish" in a game against HS N. Said school is my alma mater, but here's the kicker, our SE isn't from here. He's from Ohio.

 

You people disgust me. I ---- and by extension, we, meaning my fellow staff members ---- have ALWAYS pro-rated our coverage based entirely on effort. The team that "works" the hardest gets the most coverage, based on a complex ratio of work-to-column-inch.

Let me give you morans an example:

Every Friday night, we dispatch reporters, ombudsman, polygraphers, psychologists, actors from the Gatorade commercials, one priest and one rabbi to the venues where each of the 15-18 football teams we cover is playing. Before the game, pulse monitors are attached to each player by a recovering pedophile who freelances for our department.

A dog patrols each sideline. This dog is trained to smell fear.

At the end of each quarter, we take sweat samples from any player that has been on the field for at least one down, except the punter, who is interrogated by the priest, then the rabbi, then the rabbi, again. Throughout the game, digital recordings of sideline chatter are made to gauge the level of spirit by non-participants.

After the game, all players, who were weighed and measured for body fat %, are re-checked on those numbers. Everyone ---- reporters included ---- attempts a targeted number of bench press repetitions of his/her body weight.

Finally, game statistics are considered and compared to all-time historical record.

Each "effort team" returns to the newsroom, compares data, ranks the relative effort of the 15 local teams that night, and submits a list ranked 1 through 15 to the sports editor.

The No. 1-ranked team gets the cover.

 

The sad thing is, if you said that to a parent, they might actually believe you.

 

I would tell parents that if they really want to get their kids in the paper, tell their kid to rob a bank or hold up a liquor store. We'll make sure to get his picture in the paper.