From the this is just wrong department

Chris Havel is going to challenge SJ to a fight when he reads this.

 

Is there another kind?

 

Then why the two orders?

 

And so we should. He's indisputably a legend....plus he has one more Super Bowl ring than does Dan Marino.

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Clam up, Grey-Bruce boy . Even the ol' gunslinger wouldn't have been able to win the Super Bowl with the defence the Dolphins had for most of Marino's tenure.

When - if? - Favre does retire will the cheeseheads hold four fingers up every game like the Earnhardt yahoos do?

 

Brett Favre can divide by zero.

 

Truth be told, Dan is a better actor than Brett. His bit in "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" could have launched him to a career of Terry Bradshaw-esque proportions. Of course, we'll happily do without a repeat of the frightening full-frontal shot Terry gave us in "Failure to Launch."

 

so uh back to cell phones for a minute:

i hate to play devil's advocate but there are some people who actually need to have their cell phones on at all times. i'm not talking about doctors or fathers-to-be whose wives are nine months pregnant. the problem for a lot of people is that the boss expects you to be accessible 24-7. i'm not saying this excuses using your phone in the theater, courtroom or gym, but i'm just saying some people don't do it by choice.

that said, the assholes who use their 45 minutes on the bike or elliptical as time to catch up with their friends and gossip -- at a volume three times as loud as normal -- annoy the shit out of me.

one more thing: my old gym -- a crunchy, hippie place -- successfully banned cell phones because they said they didn't want people taking photos in the lockerrooms and claimed some cell phones interfered with pacemakers in the workout rooms.

 

I was covering a lengthy trial when my wife was nine months pregnant with our third child. I knew I was taking a big risk, but I kept my phone on every day when I was in the courtroom (unfortunately, it didn't have a vibrate feature). I asked her to please only call if the baby was coming. Luckily, I never got the call during court; I was always paranoid that the judge wouldn't be the understanding kind. I realize now I should have either addressed the issue with court staff or simply told my editor why I couldn't be spending all day every day in court.

 

Set it to vibrate. It gets your attention without bothering others.

 

It bothers my dingaling!

 

that's true. i guess i'm thinking about the annoying habit that those annoying fuckers have of talking MUCH LOUDER THAN NORMAL whenever they're on a cell phone. drives me nuts.

 

I actually made up a hand-held sign, with thick, dark letters, and it said, "Hang up your cell phone while driving!" I flashed it to a couple of people on the interstate and they'd sometimes shoot the bird.

I stopped doing it, though, because this is Texas and I'm liable to get shot or have someone plow into me while squinting to read the sign through their two-inch-thick window tinting.