Fun with captions --- NASCAR edition

Tony wishes all journalists would be this docile.

 

Tony Stewart, left, wondering exactly how drunk he got.

 

LOUDON, N.H.-- Shingles the Monkey (right) throws a punch at NASCAR driver Tony Stewart (left). The monkey attacked Stewart in retaliation for spinning out Shingles' car en route to victory in the Lowes' 200 "Run for the Rhesus" charity race at New Hampshire International Speedway.

 

Tony Stewart (left) prayed with the remains of former Nascar legend Dale Earnhardt Thursday after Stewart read a Native American lore based on the bones and hair of great warriors.

 

Sorry, but no more going apeshit for me.

 

Monkey: Hey Tony, I've been thinking.
Tony: Oh yeah?
Monkey: Yeah, you should leave the fence climbing to us agile creatures.
Tony: Whatcha tryin to say?
Monkey [redneck voice]: That fat asses like you shouldn't be climbin' fences because you're gonna rip a hole in that them dere barbwire and then those Wal-Mart going-folks are gonna fondle ya like Jeff Gordon does ... Um ... just stick to burnouts jackass.

 

Tony Stewart (left) looks at the only creature hairier than he is.

 

"Jesus Christ, I knew when I got stuck with two rookies this season there was a driver shortage in Nextel Cup, but this is fucking ridiculous." — Tony Stewart.

Or,

"In an exclusive interview with NASCAR's wire service, two-time series champ Tony Stewart bared his soul to NASCAR's newest reporter."

 

Mystery solved. We now know which sj member uses LSD

 

Tony Stewart: "So, monkey, have you ever seen Faces of Death?"

 

Stewart initially rebuffed the female monkey's advances. A bloodtest, however, revealed him to be the monkey's biological brother. The pair is currently engaged with plans for a May 2007 wedding.

 

You don't like Gordon either, wow, that's three things we have in common. I'm so glad you answered my ad.