funny jokes

That's obvious....so I'll post one.

Old woman buys a talking parrot, puts him in a cage of the kitchen. First day, she leans over the sink and the parrot says: "Nice ass."

Old lady says she won't tolerate that kind of filthy talk and puts the bird in the freezer for 15 minutes. Takes him out and says, "have you learned a lesson?"

"brrrrr...yes maam...I'll never say something like that again," parrot says.

Next day, old lady leans over the stove. Parrot says: "Nice tits."

Old lady says she won't tolerate that kind of filthy talk and puts the bird in the freezer for half an hour. Takes him out and says, "have you learned a lesson?"

"brrrrr...yes maam...I'll never say something like that again," parrot says. "But can I ask a question?'

Old lady says, "yes."

Parrot says: "What'd the turkey in there do? Ask you for a blow job?"

 

What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist?


They can both smell it, but they can't eat it.

 

A punk rocker gets on a city bus. He's got hair of three or four wild colors, and it's all fluffed out.
Old man sitting across the aisle stares at him.
Finally, the punk rocker asks, 'Hey, dude, why are you staring at me?"
Old man says, "20 years ago I fucked a peacock. I'm trying to figure out if you're my son.''

A lady's playing golf, gets stung by a wasp. She goes to the pro shop for some first aid. The pro asks her where she got stung. "Between the first and second holes,'' she says. He says: "Lady, your stance is too wide.''

 

In Russia, car drives you.

 

What a country!

 

Fixed.




Lady goes into the convenience store picks up some milk, bread, deodorant and toothpaste and takes it to the checkout counter. Cashier rings her up and as he bags her groceries, he looks up and says, "You're single aren't you?" Woman says, "How did you know that? You can tell just by looking at my groceries?" Cashier says, "No, I know because you're fucking ugly."

 

Funny jokes = redundant

This thread = not redundant

 

Two cats, an English cat named One, Two, Three and a French cat named Un, Deux, Trois decide they are going to swim across the English Channel to see who's faster.

Which cat won?







One, Two, Three won.

Un, Deux, Trois, quatre cinq.

 

Dumb, but one of my favorites to get my favorite person out of the doldrums.

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One looks over at the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?"

 

I'll assume I'm not your favorite person and I'm not in the doldrums. But that was the funniest joke on this thread.

 

BYH..you have no idea that you just made my night!!! LOL....so your reward is another awful pun...here goes:

Two fish are swimming and hit a wall. One looks at the other and says "Dam!"

 

Arrr... this is one of me favorite yarns: