funny jokes

I don't get "car", and I don't get "quatre" being in that joke.

And I know French.

 

Man who disciplines gorilla spanks monkey.

 

confuscious says - "Baseball all wrong-man with four balls can't walk"

 

keep your day job that was weak

 

Obviously the newb missed the point of this thread. Fetch us all a beer! I'll take a Fat Tire.

 

Where does the king keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

 

Rebecca Lobo walks into a bar ...

 

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind him a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He respectful approached the man walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss", I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" My wife's."
"What happened to her?"
The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"
The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife and the dog turned on her."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
"Get in line."

 

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The priest said, "Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome
here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for five years before the priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for five years. You may speak two words."

Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the priest said, "We will get you a better bed."

After another five years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the priest.

"You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine."

"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine, and the priest assured her
that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the priest again called
Sister Mary Katherine into his office. "You may say two words today."

"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.

"It's probably best," said the priest. "You've done nothing but bitch
since you got here."

 

A baby seal walks into a club . . .

 

quatre = cat
cinq = sank

The Un, Deux, Trois "cat" "sank"

 

A fresh-out-of-college doctor was interning at a mental hospital and was being showed around by one of the doctors there. They came across a man swinging an imaginary tennis racket who says, “Oh hi, doc, I'm getting out in a couple days and I'm just touching up my tennis game.” The doc says sarcastically to the intern “sure you are.”

A little farther on they came across a man swinging an imaginary golf club who says, “Oh hi, doc, I'm getting out in a couple of days and going on a golfing vacation.” The doc says sarcastically to the intern “sure you are.”

They go on a little farther and find a completely naked man sitting in a chair. On his left side is a full bowl of cashews and on his right side is an empty bow. The guy has a raging hard-on, and takes one of the cashews, rubs it on the end of his pecker, and puts it in the empty bowl. He does this a couple more times, looks up and says, Oh hi, doc, I'm fucking nuts and I'm never getting out of here.”