Girl Problems II: Help the College Boy

If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son ...

But seriously, you're gonna pull through this one just fine if you keep your mouth shut, as Inky repeatedly suggested so wisely. The thing of it is, it's actually harder to feel guilty about it and have to keep it to yourself -- all telling the g/f does is get it off your shoulders. Ultimately, that's not fair because it's your thing to deal with, not hers.

Whatever the case, clearly you like the g/f because you are having the guilt. Learn the lesson and move on in bliss with her.

 

Was goo a factor? Did you celebrate the holiday with flying ropes of jism splattering your dashboard and then slipping, like drugged slugs, off the dashboard and onto the floorboards? :-X

Um, seriously, well, you fucked up. As for confession, that's going to have to be your call (I would say no), but there are some things you should consider first. Namely, motivations. Why did you do it? There are a number of reasons people are unfaithful.

Pure horniness. Though usually there's a deeper factor at work than simple lust. Then again, you are young...I'm really glad I'm not as horny now as I was when I was young. It was like having a host of slam-dancing demons inhabiting by brain and cock.

Ego gratification. This is usually the case. There are many varieties of this...narcissistic personalities that crave validation, sexually insecure personalities craving affirmation, etc.

Resentment against partner. This is pretty ugly, but some people are unfaithful because they have some (conscious or subconscious) resentment against the partner or their relationship.

Self-destruction. Sabotaging the relationship...why?

Figure out why you did it...following the trail back to the primary cause. See if your motives have motives...be ruthless and merciless in your self-scrutiny...but have a little compassion as well, because if your soul-searching turns into self-flagellation, you might not be thinking clearly enough to discover what you need to know.

Once you're done, decide if you're at a stage in your life where you're really ready to be serious about someone. If so, re-commit to the relationship, with whatever that imples. If not, go play the field with all the other commitment-phobes...and wear a jimmy hat (goostopper).

Finally, I'd like to echo the board's sentiment that you're young and experimenting and that it's most likely not really a big deal, particularly since you didn't bury the bishop. Most people don't marry their college sweethearts, and with good reason. However, on the off chance that she is "the one," don't fuck up...the bars are filled with guys who could tell you all about "the one that got away."

And yeah, if she did the same thing over break, it was probably with some crazy snowboarder...who's hotter than you.

 

Exactly.

You'll learn this along the way, my man: All women are filthy, lying whores.

Add that to the list of rules to live by.

And the zip code rule was from Road Trip.

 

Confess.


Maybe you'll get a threesome out of it if they like each other.

 

1. Don't tell your current girlfriend. Relationship guilt, especially for something pretty minor like a make out session, is overrated. Especially before you turn 21. Seriously.

2. I know it seems like your current girlfriend is "the one" but those kind of things tend to work themselves out. I went through two girls in college I thought were "the one." Neither was. I have a great wife now. No regrets. If I could got back in time and pass along one message to my younger self, it would be not to worry about the ladies so much.

3. You screwed up, but it's not like you slept with her. Or carried on an affair that lasted several months. There wasn't any emotional investment. Don't sweat it too much. But if you really like your current girlfriend and want it to work out, just don't use it as an excuse to do something similar again. It's easier to cheat once you've already crossed the line. A lot of people cheat on girlfriends or boyfriends growing up. It's not the end of the world and it doesn't make you a horrible person. If you cheat on a wife, yes, you're a bad person. If you cheat on a wife and there are kids involved, you're a horrible person. If you make out with a girl briefly in your car at age 20 and you've been seeing another girl for around a year, you're just learning lessons about life.

4. Again, the whole "coming clean and begging for forgiveness" tactic is, in my opinion, nonsense. It's the sort of thing everyone says you should do because that's what people talk about on Dr. Phil or see in the movies. If the guilt is really eating you alive, then deal with it. If it's bugging you, and you're worried this HS chick might tell your girlfriend, think about coming clean or come up with a iron-clad plan of denial. Personally, I'd just pretend the shit never happened.

 

Exactly.

You'll learn this along the way, my man: All men are filthy, lying scumbags who lie to their girlfriends.



If you think this girl is one you want to be with for a LONG time, then you should come clean. Honesty is better in the long run. And, if she feels that strongly toward you, she'll realize how it was a mistake and at least you trusted her enough to let her in on your mistake.

BUT, if this girl is someone that you don't see yourself marrying one day or even spending more than the next 6 months with (this will happen in college), then ... yeah, I'm siding with most of the guys on here - don't tell her.

 

Grow a pair.

 

This is my two cents; If you care deeply enough for your current girlfriend, you'll tell her, and for God's sake, DO NOT FUDGE THE FACTS. A good friend of mine told his girl that he was casually dating while they were getting to know eachother. Casual dating was his definition of his MARRIAGE. So please, be honest, and when she's done crying, tossing porcelain at you, she'll be glad you were honest with her.

 

You don't know it yet, but you're way ahead of the game.

I'm not sure any of us, male or female, have a built in instinct to avoid doing this sort of thing. Most of us have been tempted, and more than a few of us have taken a dip in the Pool of Forbidden Pootie.

So here's where your path diverges: You feel bad about it. I know it has to suck right now, but you should take this as a good sign. You care about this girl, and you're wracked with guilt over your transgression.

Please, please, please, please believe me when I tell you that this is a good thing. Lots of folks, first time they do something like this, find themselves thinking Gee, that was easy. No harm, no foul. And as a college kid, you'll understand this: Know how you may feel bad the first time you decide to cut a class to sleep in? Then the next time, it gets a little easier. And a little easier. And a little easier. Then suddenly you're on the verge of academic probation.

Cheating's the same deal. You're going to be surprised, as you grow up, how extremely gifted humans are at lying to those they care about. You can very easily cheat several times over before you get caught, and the guilt will be less and less each time. But each time over, your karmic debt grows and grows. And when you inevitably DO get caught, get ready to pay the piper.

I know some folks who started this way, didn't feel guilty, continued to do it, and now they're (deservedly) getting royally fisted by life. I don't know if you should come clean. Probably you shouldn't. It may make you feel better, but that's not what you want to do. If you truly don't want to do something like this again, carry the feeling around for awhile. Experience it in all its awfulness. Go through that, and it's doubtful you'll have this problem again.

 

We're sitting in my car, I turn on the radio
You're pulling me close, I just say no
I say I don't like it, but girl you know I'm a liar
`cause when we kiss, fire

 

are you in Chapel Hill?
if so, stop posting on SportsJournalists.com and go uptown. now. when you wake up in the morning in some freshman girl's room in Granville Towers, you can thank me later.

 

Nothing this lad did deserves the Curse Of The Fogelberg.
Nothing.