Golf story lead

sirvaliantbrown · Aug 4, 2007

jgmacg said:

The thing about ledes like this, in which you're going to strike one bright, brief note of levity, is to keep them tight. Don't linger over the wry observation - or the pun or the wisecrack - or whatever it is.
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That is TERRIFIC advice.

I too often linger.

gandhithegreat · Aug 5, 2007

jgmacg said:

CC -

Thanks, as always, for posting. And thanks, too, for the late-night tips from our genial workshoppers. Who knew we had so many vampires in the place? Were we serving free Jell-O shots in here again?

I think the comments so far make sense, and all lead, one way or another, to the same place. I'd split the diff between what Gandhi and PoO and our two 'Flys say, and do something in the same line, but much tighter. I.e.,

Having watched the paint dry, he must now watch the grass grow. Such is life this summer for the usually impatient Chris McQuatters, the pro at the Ratliff Ranch Golf links, as the club undergoes its first major renovation.

And then, one hopes, a good quote, and then right into the scope of the makeover.

The thing about ledes like this, in which you're going to strike one bright, brief note of levity, is to keep them tight. Don't linger over the wry observation - or the pun or the wisecrack - or whatever it is.

Thanks again everybody.
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If one is going to stick with that lede, the above is a text book example of how to make it work. That is a feature I would read.

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