Happy Birthday, Clubber!

Happy birthday man!!!

 

I'm bummed, I thought somewhere I had saved a copy of 21 Interviews Clubber. If I find it, you can have it for your birthday. 8)

 

Lucky you, I found it...from (maybe) 2003:
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21 DOES CLUBBER: The Interview

21: The long-awaited interview. Had to be done by a pro, the best in the business.
21: Unfortunately, Ahmad Rashad was busy. So I cancelled my poker night with Maria Shriver to be here.
21: I think i'm nervous. You're a such a big star.
ClubbersFanClub: well, yeah
ClubbersFanClub: i'm nice tho
21: Really? That's not what Sandy says
ClubbersFanClub: who believes anything sandy says? sandy's word is about as good as jayson blair's
21: Maybe Sandy IS jayson blair.
ClubbersFanClub: i wouldn't doubt it
ClubbersFanClub: so is this the interview? or should I ask you later if you wanna hump?
21: Ask me later. I don't know you well enough yet.
ClubbersFanClub: it's on you, you're in charge
21: You like women who take charge?
ClubbersFanClub: don't matter to me
ClubbersFanClub: i can play either way
21: Maybe that's the whole mother thing.
ClubbersFanClub: oh, you're a psychologist, too?
21: This business with humping mothers...do you not know any gals your own age?
ClubbersFanClub: yes, i do, plenty ... most of the mothers i actually hump are mothers of young children, not mine of course
ClubbersFanClub: except sandy's mom, she's smokin
21: So she'd be, what, around 80?
ClubbersFanClub: you think sandy's like 60?
ClubbersFanClub: or 50?
21: We'll get back to that. I picture you with more of a Topanga type of girl.
ClubbersFanClub: well, topanga was hot
ClubbersFanClub: i'll give you that
21: Although a little chunky. What was up with that? Did she not have access to salad?
ClubbersFanClub: well, what topanga are we talkin?
ClubbersFanClub: cuz i mean we saw her grow up
21: Topanga after she married Corey when they were 16.
ClubbersFanClub: i thought they were like 18
ClubbersFanClub: but i know what you mean
21: What's the difference, all completely immoral.
ClubbersFanClub: she was still fuckable
21: Whoa, you would not say that to Barbara Walters.
ClubbersFanClub: are you revealing that you are barbara walters?
21: She wishes.
21: She loves my tits.
ClubbersFanClub: doesn't everyone?
ClubbersFanClub: you seem to breast feed the entire board?
21: They do seem hungry.
21: back to Sandy.....
21: Is it true about Sandy's underpants, that you cut out all the bottoms, so when he put them on, they went all the way up to his neck?
ClubbersFanClub: woah.
ClubbersFanClub: hold up. i have done a damn thing with sandy's underpants, never would
ClubbersFanClub: they're all stained from his dreams of me anyway
21: So for the record:
21: You are not K---- D-----.
21: You do not live in Chicago.
ClubbersFanClub: true
ClubbersFanClub: true
21: You do not own a Members Only jacket.
ClubbersFanClub: true again
21: Too bad, some chicks like that kind of thing.
21: They're insane, but probably need to be laid.
ClubbersFanClub: insane and needs to be laid is my diagnosis, too

21: No girlfriend?
ClubbersFanClub: nope
21: Why not?
ClubbersFanClub: don't really do the relationship thing
21: last time you got laid?
21: By a human?
ClubbersFanClub: i have friends who fulfill needs, that's about all i need
21: Wow, those are nice friends.
21: I have friends, they won't even bring in my mail.
ClubbersFanClub: girlfriends need presents and shit
ClubbersFanClub: who got time for that
21: Not all need presents. I am not a present kind of girlfriend.
21: I'm only in it for the sex.
ClubbersFanClub: are you suggesting something?
21: Whoa, both hands on the keyboard, buddy.
ClubbersFanClub: i should say the same to you
ClubbersFanClub: you want me
ClubbersFanClub: it's obvious
21: I am completely committed to another man.
21: Anyway. How's the humping roommate.
ClubbersFanClub: he's layin on the couch watching tv
21: Go spill something on him.
21: See if he gets up.
ClubbersFanClub: naw, he'll fuckin whine, then i won'thear the end of it
21: maybe he's really sandy!
ClubbersFanClub: ya never know
ClubbersFanClub: he's got a real man's name tho
ClubbersFanClub: not that sandy, kelly, crap
ClubbersFanClub: i don't know why any man would assume a name like sandy
21: Maybe that's his mom's name
ClubbersFanClub: i don't know nothin about his mama
21: Liar.
ClubbersFanClub: swear
21: I saw you sneakin out of the assisted living facility at 2 am
ClubbersFanClub: see, i knew you wanted me, you're stalking me
21: i just wanted to borrow some money
21: Boom likes presents.
ClubbersFanClub: i'll give YOU a present
21: Really? What?
ClubbersFanClub: a little of clubber's boom
21: I got more boom than I can handle, baby.
21: Come on, impress me.
ClubbersFanClub: come on what?
21: Right now, probably your laptop.
ClubbersFanClub: what about your lap and your top?
21: You would never say that to Katie Couric.
ClubbersFanClub: katie couric would never try to interview me
21: She's a chickenshit, I know.
ClubbersFanClub: but would you do her?
21: Yuck, all those teeth....not my type.
ClubbersFanClub: but you'd hump a girl?
21: Nope--I'm into men. Big men, big hands.
21: Hey, who is doing the interviewing?
21: What kind of men are YOU into?
ClubbersFanClub: i'm not into men
21: Katie? Or barbara?
ClubbersFanClub: that's not much of a choice.. that's like who's cooler sandy or almost famous?
21: How about Suzy Kolber? I can fix you up.
ClubbersFanClub: does she give good head?
21: Define good head.
ClubbersFanClub: no teeth, for one
21: Okay, no teeth. back to the Moms, I see.
ClubbersFanClub: you think this will slide past the SportsJournalists.com censors?
21: we'll see. Did you know, if you type c*nt they change it to pussycat?
21: Okay, final thoughts: Bell Biv Devoe…
ClubbersFanClub: bell biv devoe? you want some thoughts....
ClubbersFanClub: you can do me in the morning, you can do me in the night ...
ClubbersFanClub: smack it up, flip it, rub it down....
21: See, you had me at 'do me in the night'
21: Lost me with the smacking.
ClubbersFanClub: i had you when this interview started
21: I got Nelly on the line. Booty call. Gotta go……
ClubbersFanClub: aight...well g'nite

 

2003 would be right. Early 2003 before the first big crash of the site...

 

Holy shit, that was awesome. I'd call that a draw.

 

Damn impressive.

 

the time was six o'clock on the swatch watch ...
no time to chill, got a date, can't be late ...
hey, 21, is gonna do me ...

 

Goddamn. That was awesome.

I think 21 has a copy of every post ever made here.

 

Wonder how Clubber would fare against some of our dear "departed" friends.


Ah hell, it wouldn't even be a fair matchup. It could be a good warmup exercise for Clubber though.

 

Worst. Haiku. Ever.