Happy to see me, or is that just a screwdriver in your @**?

Ok, this really isn't a story for picking apart writing style, but the opening sentence is a doozy.

"Police arrested a naked man caught masturbating on a bicycle path Thursday after officers and firefighters stood guard while he removed a sharp tool from his rectum."

If I read this literally, it sounds like the police watched the guy remove the tool from his rectum, then he started masturbating, then they arrested him. What a bunch of perv cops.

And the last line:

"Police booked him into County Jail in Martinez, Calif., on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a concealed weapon."

Doesn't sound like his weapon was concealed at all--that's what got him in trouble in the first place. ;D

 

Maybe the guy had to pause for a moment on the way to Pastor Haggard's home.