Have you ever heard your woman pass gas? To the women: Why hide it?

Sometimes I try it out of laziness but my wife comes in and closes the door ...

 

We do on some things. Shitting is not one of them.

 

Yeah.. sure write-brained. Sure that's why.

 

Glad someone posted this on the first page. Would have been a crime not to do so.

 

Keepin' it in a bank vault 'till needed, Moddy.

Also has audio of 21 burping --- and damn, that's scary.

 

Next to your copy of the AP Stylebook, right Moddy?

 

Zeke, I have tears in my eyes, my friend. Brings back the day I either a) fell asleep in the back of 9th grade biology class and started snoring or b) farted in the back of bio class. I swear I can't remember which it was

I'll always remember some pertinent marital analysis by one genius ballplayer. We'll call him Hustin Dermanson, who was happily married at the time.

He was speaking on the subject of the recent breakup of the marriage of a teammate, whom we'll call Wondell Rhite, who had been married to the daughter of a big-league coach we'll call Merry Januel.

Anyhow, Hustin's pithy analysis of why said marriage didn't make it was this: "He was afraid to fart in front of her. That marriage had NO chance.

(The P.S., of course, was that Hustin's wife cuckolded him to the nth degree, and his own perfect union broke up shortly thereafter. But I digress).

Yup, these are the kinds of conversations I have with ballplayers.


Anyhoo, onto my own house. Mr. Ballscribe is damn proud of my output.
On the rare (cough) occasions that it happens (and he cooks, so he gets the blame for the input resulting in the output), I get either "I love you", or "smells like roses". Every time. Sincere, too.

That said, I cannot do any personal business that results in a) noise or b) sound in a public bathroom if a) there is anyone I happen to know in it or b) I can't wait them out before I exit the stall, for fear they'll give me a disapproving look or otherwise know it's me.

I know. Makes no sense at all. Then again, I was too embarrassed to go in a pharmacy to buy "personal hygiene products" until I was at least 30.

 

Ball, I still won't go to the store for female products. I don't care how long we've been together. That ain't gonna happen.

But the Hubby sounds like a winner. I get scolded if I show any pride whatsoever.

 

My bad.