Holiday Bonus

Two things: Jack. Shit.

The office meal is a week-old ham that will be sliced into sandwiches. However, you have to bring a canned food item for the charity drive to get this week-old ham sandwich.

Also, the holiday party, and some party it isn't, will be held in January. Why? Rumor is that they were going to do away with it, people caught wind and the first opening at the banquet hall is January because they didn't book in advance for Christmas.

I would just prefer if they did nothing. It would be less insulting.

 

Coupon for a turkey/ham. This joint cuts profit-sharing checks in January, so the big bonus comes then. Word around the water cooler is the profit-sharing checks average $1,500.

 

We get a 53rd paycheck we can take anytime during the year. (I usually do it in January.) If you don't take it, they give it to you at the end of November. My niece (a lawyer) just got a tidy $10,000 from her firm and her husband, who got $17,000 last year, got EVEN MORE this year although I'm not sure how much. Must be freaking nice.

 

Couple of hundred bucks, and I ain't complaining. Better than a pink slip.

 

$20 to local grocery store. Ahh, I'll use it, though.

Oh, and a pretty nice catered meal at work last night. Never had a holiday dinner with Mexican food before. But it was damn good.

 

I was told one was coming, but I don't know if it will be on the last check of the year or if they will cut another check.
I've been told that the bonuses are pretty good, but I really don't know what to expect.
We also hada big-ass party, that I skipped.

 

You know Clark, it is the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

 

My SE will probably spend his own money and hand out $10 gift certificates, but the paper likely won't do anything. It didn't last year.

 

No bonus in this neck of the woods either.

So, if any of you are looking for last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like my CEO. Right here. Tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with the other rich people and I want him brought right here. With a big ribbon on his head. I want to look him in the eye and tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-lickin', dirt-eaten, inbred, over-stuffed, ignorant, puss-oozing, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, heartless, hopeless, fatass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey shit he is!

Hallejulah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol!?

 

So far, nothing. Got a $50 pre-tax bonus two years ago and a week's pay in 1997, but nothing the rest of the years.

 

At the company holiday party, which I skipped to cover a game, they gave everyone $25 gift certificates to restaurants. These places, all 30 miles away from our office, owed money for past ads and that's how they were able to settle. But one of the places went out of business last week. So we were told we could exchange the certificates and choose another restaurant even further from our office. The folks at our office would spend more on gas to and fro' than what the certificate is worth.