Hot dogs for homophobes: Conan's funniest bit yet?

Idaho · Jul 14, 2006

dooley_womack1 said:

Not me. No way can I squeeze into that thong.
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CentralIllinoisan · Jul 14, 2006

Dedo said:

BitterYoungHack said:

Best ever is still Triumph vs. Star Wars or Norm MacDonald cracking on Courtney Thorne-Smith.
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Every time Norm has ever been on Conan's show, it's been comedy gold. There are actually transcripts (and in many cases, audio files) of all those appearances here: http://www.fakenews.net/archive/index.html

The Norm/Courtney Thorne-Smith audio is at: http://www.fakenews.net/archive/transcripts/a/1997_05_conan_a.ram

And the high points of the transcript:

COURTNEY: I MADE a movie with Carrot Top.

CONAN: You made a movie with Carrot Top, it's not out yet.

NORM: [Interrupting.] Wait a minute! She left "Melrose Place" to do a movie with Carrot Top?[Laughter.]

CONAN: That's where I'm going, my friend. [To Courtney.] This begs the question now, "Why a movie with carrot Top?"

COURTNEY: Why a movie with Carrot Top?

CONAN: Do you have a scene where you and he embrace?

COURTNEY: Yeah, lots of making out.

CONAN: [Disgusted.] Oh, for God's sake. [Laughter.]

COURTNEY: Nothing but making out. It's like "9 and 1/2 Weeks," but Carrot Top -- basically is what we were doing. [Laughter.]

CONAN: [Laughing.] Wow! I've got to check out that movie.

NORM: Is it called "9 and 1/2 Seconds?" [Applause.] -- Like he's a premature ejaculator -- [Applause.]

CONAN: [Laughs.] You know what happened? This is what happened, he said "9 and 1/2 Seconds" and I'm looking at him, cause I know there's more. Then I wait and wait, then I see the glimmer in the eye and BANG! I thought you were going to "crackwhore, dirty sex," but no -- [Laughter.]

CONAN: [To Courtney.] What's the movie going to be called?

NORM: [Interrupting.] I know what it's going to be called! [Laughter.]

CONAN: Yeah? What's that?

NORM: If it's got Carrot Top in it, you know what a good name for it would be?

CONAN: What's that, Norm?

NORM: "BOX OFFICE POISON!" [Applause.]

COURTNEY: [A little upset.] I'm in it, too! Come on! What about my career?

CONAN: SHE'S in it! Courtney Thorne-Smith, the girl sitting to your left, is IN THE MOVIE!

NORM: -- I'm going to go see it for Courtney. [Applause.]

COURTNEY: After you scare everyone else away?

NORM: No, I love this girl. I would go see ANY movie with this girl in it. She's a beautiful lady -- and a talented, nice -- talk show guest. [Applause.]

CONAN: All right, there's this 2 hour finale of "Melrose Place." There's this movie coming out, title undetermined at this point --

COURTNEY: "Chairman of the Board."

CONAN: Oh, all right. [To Norm.] Do something with that, you freak. [Laughter.]

NORM: I bet the "Board" is spelled B-O-R-E-D ! [Huge laughter, applause.]
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I MUST see this clip!

Bubbler · Jul 14, 2006

I'm partial to Pimpbot 3000 myself.

zeke12 · Jul 14, 2006

Masturbating bear. Everything else is just window dressing.

tyler durden 71351 · Jul 14, 2006

This is an oldie, but the once had Andy Richter superimposed in some of the big music videos at the time and lip-synching the songs...he was wearing a wig and doing Alanis Morrisette. What made it gold is he was all four of Boyz II Men doing "I'll Make Love to You". Just him emoting before the camera, wearing these goofy sunglasses and earrings. God, that cracked me up.

Trey Beamon · Jul 14, 2006

zeke12 said:

Masturbating bear. Everything else is just window dressing.
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Yeah, nothing can top the bear.

My Conan nomination: The Jesus figurines piece that showed my lord and savior kicking dirt on people, riding a bull, stealing from Deter Jeter's locker -- and the kicker -- playing solitaire on the computer during work hours. Just hilarious stuff...

Sea Bass · Jul 14, 2006

I take it we've all forgotten Triumph outside the Michael Jackson courthouse?

Gomer · Jul 14, 2006

Or Preparation H Raymond?

hockeybeat · Jul 14, 2006

BitterYoungHack said:

This made me laugh something fierce. I hope someone else saw this..."Hot dogs for homophobes," where instead of eating hot dogs that look like schlongs guys eat hot dogs that are shaped like a woman's breast.

Classic.
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I presume our own bobblehead is Conan's version of Takeru Kobayashi...

Shifty Squid · Jul 14, 2006

Does him pulling a lever excitedly and repeatedly to show "Walker: Texas Ranger" clips count? Or does that qualify better for the "Best of Chuck Norris" thread?

Buck · Jul 14, 2006

Only 'The Octagon' and 'Lone Wofl McQuade' qualify for the Best of Chuck Norris thread.

Overrated · Jul 14, 2006

Ever see the one when Conan went to one of those beauty spas with the mud bath and the whole nine yards?

Funniest Conan ever.

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