Hubba, hubba, ESPN the Magazine

I'll be that guy.

Eww.

 

Is that against the rules?

 

What do you get when you cross Serena Williams with a Red X?

 

debacle

 

Serena Williams makes me want to become a monk.

 

I'm not sure what to think of Serena. At times, I look at her and think, "Damn. That girl is hot." Other times, she scares the shit out of me. Mainly when she's cursing and threatening a line judge.

Didn't LaVar date Serena for a while?

 

red wings with more attitude than you can handle?

 

Carrot Top ruined Serena for me during one of his shows in Vegas (insert separate jokes here). Part of one of his bits was about how athletic she was and in the end a big "She's a dude" flashes up along the backdrop of the stage.

 

She's too big, too muscular, looks too much like she could snap my neck between her thighs.

I like my women to look like women.

If that makes me sexist, hell, I'm sexist.

 

I mean, she looks like a woman. Just an intimidating woman. I'm sure if I knew her personally, I'd have a different opinion. I don't, therefore, I don't.

 

Look closely at Serena's left foot.

I swear I see six toes. Five painted and one nub.