I hate Halloween. 2011 Edition.

Oh. Well, thanks for the candy!

 

Seriously? My idea of getting ready is finding a bowl and dumping a bag of candy into it. Then again, we're on a dead end so we don't get that many kids.

 

My mom said 225 people in a couple hours. She gave up because my grandmother kept shutting the front door.

 

I live on a peninsula where the road in is the road out. I think I had maybe three trick-or-treaters in 2007 and none since then. The kids and parents concentrate on the big subdivision a mile north of me.

Nonetheless, you always have to be ready if for some reason the kids come down this way. So I make sure I buy something that I'll like if no one shows up. This year it was a box of 36 vending machine bags of Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies.

Zero trick-or-treaters means I'll be drinking more milk than usual this week.

 

I didn't realize it was Halloween 'til kids came to my door and I told them to fuck off because I was watching Jeopardy.

 

Honey, in my neighborhood they're as likely to be carrying Glocks as trick-or-treat bags.

Yes, I give out candy without costumes. Hell, I just hold the bowl out and smile with the eyes saying "DEAR GOD PLEASE DON'T SHOOT ME FOR A BOX OF MILK DUDS!"

 

Rain was in the forecast last night, so Lil 93 got her work done before seven. About 20 minutes of walking and getting candy before she realized that she wanted to start eating candy, so that put the wraps on the door to door.

I left out the bags on the front step for the kids when I was not there, and came back just when it started sprinkling. About 10 minutes later it started coming down so hard the animals were starting to group in pairs, but the kids kept coming. I started giving two bags per kid just to get rid of the stuff.

About 30 minutes of hard rain cleared the streets, and I was out of bags. I walk over to my neighbors, who some of you have met, and we start drinking and talking football in his garage. He is hammered. I am feeling good.

About 30 minutes of no kids, one guy walks up and my neighbor says politely that we are out of candy. The father actually gets lippy with us, and I pop off with where were you when everybody else was out? Not my best moment, but fuck him.

Then at 9 pm, 90 minutes after the last kid comes up the street, the doorbell rings. This lone kid dressed as Green Lantern is at my door. His dad is standing behind him, and I just look at him and say I have no more candy. The trick or treating ended an hour ago. I went back in the house, thought a moment, and grabbed a candy bar out of my daughter's stash and chased him down the street.

I felt bad for the kid, but I need to remember to hold back five idiot bags every Halloween.

 

IJAG is right. Don't give the kids a reason to F with you.

 

Had the same situation as 93 a couple of years back...had to be about 9, hadn't had anyone at the door in 45 minutes, when I hear a tiny little knock...open the door to see a very young girl, a look of both joy and sorrow in her eyes, her costume clearly hand made...her working class mom standing behind her. You just know the mom got home late from work, but managed to get the daughter out for some trick or treating.

The kid got about 5 pounds of candy from me.

And most of it was fresh.

 

We live in an apartment complex and haven't had a kid come by in the three Halloween's we've lived here.
So I dressed up little Bumpy in her costume (all 11 months of her), put her in the stroller and the wife and us walked to the houses across the street and went directly to the trick or treaters ourselves.
You get a lot of weird looks from kids and parents when you walk up to them and hand them candy.

 

Did anybody see "Mike and Molly" last night. Katy Mixon's costume was of the 3-titted mutant from "Total Recall."
At the end of the show, 4 sorry-ass teenagers come to the door, no costumes, no "Trick or Treat." Just give me the candy. Vince is going to tell them to hit the bricks, but Swoozie warns him not to piss them off or they might crap on the lawn. One kid said, "And we will, too."
Then Katy said, let me handle this. She went to the door and flashed them. They all swooned and took off.
She turned back to Swoozie and Vince and said, "If I had 4 of these, I could rule the world."

 

Not in the mood this year.

Haven't even bought candy yet.

I may give out bags of pennies.

Maybe I should go the Jones way and pull out one of my goalie masks, fire up a chainsaw and keep revving it while screaming "TRICK OR TREAT" in the driveway.

This has potential, methinks.