I lost another friend

With the i terrupting thing, just accept that he's doing it for a reason and don't let it bother me?

 

Just keep in mind that he's trying to help you and ignore if possible. Maybe just say as nice as possible "Excuse me, before we go on, can I finish my thought?"

 

Yeah, you can give that feedback politely and in a way that will be constructive - and I definitely think you should.

 

I would like to do some traveling if I could get the time to do it. Maybe go to the Rose Bowl or a big fight in Las Vegas or some sightseeing somewhere.

I haven't been on a plane in 12 years. I probably should drop a few pounds first because being a fat guy on a plane would suck for both me and my fellow passengers.

This summer wasn't the greatest. I usually try to get up to York Beach, Maine each summer and I did for one day, but because I work overnights, I got a really late start to the day.

Not having paid vacation time for the first time in a long time was tough, too. Now everything I do is no work, no pay and that makes it tough to get away for an extended period of time.

Maybe I just need to make my peace with it being my new normal having jobs at the bottom of the food chain. There's no shame in working at those jobs. They're certainly not beneath me. Heck, I'm pretty bad at the one I'm doing now and I recently got let go from another one after three days. They let me know by text and didn't even give me a reason. Do they not give a reason because they're worried I might sue them? I never got any indication from them it was going badly. Either they're shitty managers or I just completely lack any self-awareness.

 

I saw the psychiatrist today. We're holding off on medication. He recommended I join a grief support group.

 

Proud of you. Really.

 

That's good news.

Rebuilding yourself is a little like renovating a house, SP. You can't think of the whole job. You can't think of everything that's wrong, everything that you have to fix. It's too overwhelming. Just think about the small job that's in front of you.

When I was in the middle of my worst shit, with the help of my therapist, I established what we called the 20-Minute Rule. I was not allowed to think more than 20 minutes into the future. I had to do what was in front of me.

You've made your start. Just do that job that's in front of you. Start group. That's great. That's progress. Way to go.

Now live the next 20 minutes as well as you can.

 

Incidentally, @Smallpotatoes, I still use the 20-Minute Rule in times of stress. It might help get you through a particularly miserable patch, but its value is ongoing. It's a nice length of time to get some small, good thing done. Try to use each block to do something, however small, to make your life or the world a better place. Especially try to remove things that have been weighing on you. A little progress every day—that's how monuments get made.

In 20 minutes, you can write an email to an old friend you've been meaning to write. Walk until you've picked up 10 pieces of trash. Do some sit-ups or pushups. Fold the laundry. Wash your sheets. Cut your nails. Put your phone away and read a chapter of a book. Make yourself some eggs. Take a nap. Do a full-body stretch, starting with your neck, working your way down to the arches of your feet.

It doesn't matter how small-seeming the task is. You've done something with that time. And at the end of an average Saturday, for instance, you'll have done 42 things. Your world will be measurably, tangibly better. Imagine a day where you do just what I've described. Only those things. That's only ten things, and that's a good day. Now imagine doing four times that. Amazing day.

Just try really hard to stay in that moment. No backward, no forward. The next 20 minutes. That's it. You'll be shocked by what you'll accomplish in the accumulation of increments.

 

There are good apps for this, like Focus Keeper.

The idea and apps are also called Pomodoro Timers, named after the big plastic red tomato kitchen timers.

The concept is to set the timer for 25 minutes, focus and work, then take a 5 minute break (reward).

To get started (taking that key first step), it’s often better to start with a shorter time interval, say 10 or 15 minutes, before a brief break.

Anyway, the concept relates to what TF is saying and it works.

And quite often, when you get focused and on a roll, you can sometimes ignore taking the break and just stay on a roll even longer.

Worth looking into. It might work for lots of people.

 

The trick now is finding a group.

 

SJ doesn't cut it?

 

Like Clubber Slang, SJ cuts plenty.