I lost another friend

Get help. Talk to someone.

 

Home - Suicide Prevention website, hotline and online chat. Click on Home in the upper left of this post.

1-800-273-8255

 

So... you’re that guy. Lol

 

Everybody does certain things well. You just need to find out what you do best and do it or something that uses those skills.

People might roll their eyes at this, but wander into a local church. Not so much to pray, you can if you want to, but almost every church I have ever been to is full of people who will immediately care for you and will accept you and offer you ways to help. The secret, to me, is not so much that churches are a place to cower to God, but more s gathering place of people who like to help each other.

Stay away from the mega churches. Find a small local church. If you don’t like the first one, go to another one.

You could also volunteer at a local animal rescue.

You’re in a rough patch, but they end. They always do.

 

Scout-
That guy who thinks Facebook sucks because it's beeen overtaken by Boomers and humorless ninnies?
Yes, I suppose I am that guy.
The Trumpkins are right about one (1) thing - our culture has grown quite soft.
The why and how will be questions for the social historians.

 

If you're letting Regan's comments bother you at all, you're beyond help. Can't imagine a person on this board whose opinions mean less to me.

EDIT: in my experience, the best way out of a funk is to not focus on yourself, but to focus on helping others, in whatever way people. Will quickly make you realize -- or re-recognize -- how valuable you are as as human.

 

Hey SP, I hope you reconsider. Once you start actively thinking about suicide, it can be a tough thing to shake. I've been there a couple of times. Lost my job and my marriage in a couple of months in 2016. It was not good times, and I know sometimes when you're in a spiral like that, it can be hard to see how you get out, or why you even bother to try. The easy answer is that things will get better—and they will. I sometimes shudder to think on everything I would have missed out on since, or what my death would have done to my kids or people who love me. Suicide isn't cowardly. It's an override of every natural instinct for self-preservation. But it's a tragedy, and the world could use less tragedy.

So, let's try to make you feel better. Can I offer some advice? I'll tell you what helped me and maybe it will help you.

1. Therapy. I was not the kind of person who would go to therapy. But I went to the ER when I was in real trouble, and the very kind doctor there convinced me that therapy would be an essential part of my long-term solution. It really was. It took me a little while to see how good it was for me, but Gary, my therapist, probably has no idea what he did for me in the end. It was probably the best thing I did to get better.

2. Medicine. There are some powerful drugs that might help you, either over the short or long-term. They might not. You should talk to your doctor if you want to go this route. I found the anti-anxiety medication really useful, if only to help me get some proper sleep. I did not find anti-depressants helpful. But everyone's mileage varies when it comes to those things. You should feel no stigma about trying them if you think you might need to. I took Lorazepam for a little while, and it was a magical thing. It cold-stopped the record that was skipping in my head.

3. Exercise. Even just long walks to clear your head. Start your day by stretching. Get a bike. Just move a little more than you have been.

4. Get off social media. My feeling is that social media makes you more of whatever you are. So if you're in a good place, you'll see the good in it, and if you're in a bad place, it will make you feel worse. Take a break from that stuff. It can really skew your perspective on life. So often the Internet is misery and then you look outside, and people are being nice to each other and it's a beautiful day.

5. Like someone else said, doing some small, tangible, good thing can be helpful. I took to walking along the river here and along the lakeshore, picking up trash. It made me feel good. The world was a little better than it was because I was still in it. Plus it was exercise, and it got me out of the house. I found a lot of self-worth in the bag of trash I'd collected by the end of each walk.

6. Try to remember that most people are good. They really are.

7. Despite everything that you might do to correct it, the black dog that's by your side right now will still sometimes turn and bite you. There will be times when you just have to muscle through it. Please keep trying. You're not alone in your struggles, and life will get better if you stick around. My life was as bad as it's even been. Now it's as good as it's ever been, and I'm all the more grateful for it because of everything I went through. Trust me. Hang in there, and you will be rewarded for it. You will be glad you stayed.

Love,
Type.

 

I read a book on treating depression without meds, The Depression Cure. It's written by a Duke doctor, so it's not some quack self-help book.

There were six things to the cure.
1. Exercise
2. Eat well, but particularly omega-3 fatty acids
3. Be involved in an engaged activity
4. Get sunlight
5. Sleep well
6. Have social support

6 Steps for Beating Depression

Vitamin D is something else people recommend. Also, avoid mood altering substances. It can really fuck up any attempt to diagnose and treat mental illnesses.

Most of the stuff has already been mentioned, but I thought it would be helpful to lay it out.

If you go to therapy, ask about group meetings for whatever you are diagnosed with. People recommend it, but it may be difficult to schedule.

 

When you think about it, that's good advice for anybody, really. I mean that sincerely. Not a knock at your posting it.

 

Well, as I said, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on Thursday, Sept. 5.

It's not going to happen anytime soon. The best way to put it is that I'm one bad break away.

One of my cousins who has two kids on the autism spectrum thinks I might be. She thinks her older brother, who killed himself back in 1993, was on the spectrum but was never diagnosed. I'm skeptical but it might explain some things about me.

It's particularly tough now, at this time of year. For the longest time, around now, I'd be doing fall previews, making plans for the upcoming season. There was always more hassle involved with the start of the fall than any other time. The management scrutinized your work more. You dealt more with minor sports readers with chips on their shoulders. The freelance budget kept getting smaller and you had to figure out ways to do more with less.

Now I miss it all. I'm just coming to the realization that the world will go on without me.

I'm going to cover some football this fall as a freelancer, but I don't know how much. I may get to sleep in on Thanksgiving for the first time in a long time. So far, I'm committed to three games, plus a UFC Fight Night. Part of it is for the extra money that I need, but part of it is just to have some small sense of normalcy in my life.

I know I can't get my old life back. I hope everything works out and I get a decent job that will allow me to pay the bills and that I enjoy at least somewhat or at least have a decent work-life balance. All my friends tell me it will work out.

But maybe it won't. There are no guarantees and the way it's going now, I tend to think it won't. Maybe I'll be unemployed and end up homeless at some point. Maybe I'll only be able to get minimum-wage dead-end jobs and I'll need to work two or three just to keep my head above the water, leaving little or no time for anything enjoyable.

The question is how do I convince myself that it's worth sticking around of that's the way it's going to be.

 

Share what you are typing here with someone or a few people that are actually with you now in person.

You are reaching out for help and we are only people on a message board.

What state are you in? I know that’s semi-outing, but your last post makes me think you need to talk to someone before the 5th.

 

You're alive. And that's the best part of life.