Identity theft

I'm built like a jockey.

Dry cleaner gave me a suit that would fit an NFL linebacker, which I discovered in the dressing room at the chapel . . . 30 minutes before my wedding.

Wonder what I should have demanded as reparation.

 

You bought a suit from a dry cleaner?

 

No. Had it cleaned. He gave me some other customer's suit instead of mine.

At least I was able to fake it with the help of some helpful chapel assistants and about three layers of clothing underneath.

Not sure now the NFL linebacker-sized fellow coped, however, or what suit they gave him.

 

Ahh, was wondering how that happened. Guess when it comes in the plastic wrap, and especially if you have
a few suits or jackets together, you're not going to see until putting it on.

 

Should have asked them to pay for the wedding, and the honeymoon.

Reminds me of my father, a first-ballot tight-ass Hall of Famer. Story from my childhood … we always used to get bags of Filet O Fish from McDonald's on Fridays during Lent. He hated cheese on his fish sandwiches, so he would order some without cheese. And he'd ask for a discount. "If I order a hamburger, it's 69 cents. If I want cheese on it, you'll charge me 79 cents, right? So if a fish sandwich is 99 cents, shouldn't a fish sandwich without cheese be 89 cents?" Meanwhile, the rest of the family is cringing, sorry that the poor minimum-wage counter girl is dealing with this, and also wondering how much spit is on the food we are going to be eating for dinner.

 

Could have been a lot worse. Instead of the Bridezilla reaction of "My perfect day is ruined!!!!," my wife's reaction was an uncontrollable laugh I heard from upstairs when she was told.

Too bad I can't post photos here from my desktop. You could see how good/bad all the adjustments looked.

 

I remember dad having BALLISTIC meltdown in KFC over a delay getting a bucket a chicken.
Man, was that ugly.

 

The restaurant purchased the cheese whether it gets put on the fish sandwich or not.

 

I would've just told people you were having a Talking Heads-themed wedding.

Now I'm imagining walking down the aisle to Psycho Killer, creepily mouthing the words: "I hate people when they're not for life."

 

Umm, what?

I hate people when they're not polite.

 

It's always fun when you learn you've been singing a song wrong for 30 years.