If you enjoy a selection of good poop stories like I do.....

Holy shit.

 

So who on here has shit their pants?

 

Not in the last 55 years or so.

 

Does sharting count? Asking for a friend.

 

no

 

My friend says, "No, then."

 

A big, heavy guy I knew in college got so whacked on booze and drugs one night during a frat party that he shit his pants and passed out in a dresser drawer that he somehow mistook for a bed. He was thereafter known as Splotch.

Fast-forward a couple of years to another frat party, and Splotch and his fraternity "little brother," a diminutive guy, got shitfaced and started wrestling around, and it got out of hand and turned into a brawl, and Splotch crammed Little Bro into an empty fireplace, whereupon the terrorized Little Bro shit his pants. He was thereafter known as Baby Splotch.

I shit you not. Splotch and Baby Splotch, forever linked in fraternity lore.

 

A running family joke starts out with the one time in my life that I listened to Rush Limbaugh. I was stuck in a car with my brother-in-law, who was in charge of the radio, etc. Limbaugh gets a call from a woman who said that she loves her daughter very much, but is afraid she won't have a happy life because she is unattractive. Limbaugh said, "Let me get this straight, you love your daughter but you think she won't be happy because she is unattractive." The woman said, "Yes." And Limbaugh said, "Hell, take her to a bowling alley, she'll fit right in."

Just a few months later, when my daughter was maybe 2 years old, we used to go to dinner at a bowling alley because a friend was on a team and it had a great coffee shop.
We got there and were chatting. I'm holding my daughter, who is sitting on my forearm. She lets one go and her damn diaper explodes. I've got baby shit all over my arm, in my watchband, on the front of my shirt. My wife took my daughter and cleaned her up. I went into the bathroom and cleaned up the best I could. When I came out, I looked at my wife and said, "What should I do? I've got a shit stain all over my shirt." And she said, "Hell, you're in a bowling alley, you'll fit right in."

 

Threads like this, and stories like that ^^^ are why I don't think I'll ever quit SJ.

Thanks for sharing CL.

 

The Pooporoo is straight gold every year.

I once sent Magary this story, which has never run, so maybe it's not that good. But anyway.

To save the long, boring prelude, we randomly had our water cut off one day one summer. I called and raised hell and got them to come back out the next day to turn it on, then went and hit up a taco stand before going in to work. Delicious.

The utility company had given me the usual 8-12 window for when they'd be out to turn it back on. I was working nights at the time, so no big deal, except for the tacos. Don't get me wrong, they were delicious and healthful enough that they stayed in me until the next day, but once they wanted to come out, they were coming out. This was at around 9, so I didn't want to shit in the toilet and have it potentially marinate for three hours before I could flush. So I weighed my options and headed for the backyard.

It was a nice day, and I communed with nature, popping a squat behind my garage (this being the most private spot I could find). My dog came out with me since he hadn't been out yet and watched me leave a nice, solid log. It was lovely. I decided I was OK with leaving used toilet paper in the toilet, smell-wise, and went in to wipe.

Came back outside to review my handiwork and it was completely gone. All that's left is the dog, sitting there with a shit-eating (literally) grin on his face. I haven't let him give me kisses since.

 

I don't know what it is with dogs and eating shit. We have 2 dogs and 2 cats, and all the time, the two dogs go rifling through the cats' litter boxes and eating their litter-covered shit.

First time they did it, they go in there, dig out two little turds, bring them out in front of me as if to say "DADDY....DADDY.....LOOK WHAT I FOUND......THESE DELICIOUS LITTLE MORSELS.........NOW WATCH WHAT I DO!........."

 

Geez, what are you two complaining about? Sounds like Chef doesn't have to clean the litter box as often, and Circus has found a way to save money on dog food.