If you enjoy a selection of good poop stories like I do.....

Sounds like a ratemypoo.com hall of famer.

 

Took a dump on the hood of a gleaming white Chrysler K-Car because I hated K-Cars.

I was also fairly drunk.

 

My wife is somewhat amazed, but mostly appalled, that I can hold in a poop for hours at a time.

Kinda had to poop all day Saturday, but there wasn't anywhere to do it (I was at a large, public event). Pretty much held it in from noon until I got home at 10:30 p.m.

 

About a year ago, I went to one of our local high schools to do a story on a husband and wife janitor team that had worked there together for about 25 years. I get there around 2 p.m., and not five minutes into the interview I feel the twinge.
I manage to stifle it, but 10 minutes later it comes back. Another stifle, another 10 minutes, another twinge. I wrap up the interview about 2:40, and then me and our photographer start following them around the halls to shoot pictures and note their interactions with their "kids."
A couple of minutes later, another twinge, stronger this time, so I slip away to find a bathroom. At some point in the interview they'd mentioned how they're already done most of their work for the day, including cleaning the bathrooms, so I was trying to hold it because on some level I hated to destroy their hard work. Nature was calling, though, so I found a bathroom in a corner of a hallway.
Have you ever tried to take a shit in a school? It'll give you the worst case of Home Bowl Syndrome you've ever seen.
The latch on the stall in this bathroom looked a little unsteady and there were still kids in the building. I had horrifying visions of them coming in, opening the door, and freaking out about the stranger taking a shit.
So I held it some more and tried a bathroom on the other side of the building. Same deal, except a little bit less clean and more foot traffic since it was in a main hall. So I stifled another twinge and continued the mission.
Finally, about 3:45, I finished the assignment and hauled ass back to the office. The whole time I'm calculating the distance and the time and concentrating really hard on muscle control. I drive the 5 minutes to the office and, as I walk in the door, two different people stop me to give me messages.
I felt like the guy in "Airplane!" bashing his way through the Hare Krishnas at LAX on his way to the tower. Give me the messages, gotta go.
I finally make it in and unleash hell, almost two hours after arming the bomb. Rarely has there ever been a feeling of sweet release like that one.

 

When I first started officiating high school basketball about 15 years ago, one of my partners kept giving us a signal with about 2 minutes left in the first half that he was putting two hands up around his ears.

Finally found out that he was "prairie-dogging it" and to not blow your whistles unless you wanted him to come over and shit on your feet.

That's still our symbol to this day.

 

I've shat myself five times since age 17.

 

I don't know what's more impressive -- that you freely admit it, or that you remember the exact number!

Well done, Master Shartsworth of Brownshorts!

 

Three episodes in NJ.
One episode in Pennsylvania.
One episode in California.


In a related note, I have a gate at the end of my driveway, and it's about 100 yards to the house.
In order to avoid what would have been a sixth occurrence, I once had to hop out of the car and drop wolf bait outside the gate at the end of the driveway.
Had to take off my t-shirt and use to it to wipe my @ss.

 

A late associate of mine had a list of his top 10 dumps, where, when and what he'd had to eat...his bucket list included clogging a power flush toilet which he apparently did at the Dallas-Fort Worth airport and legend has it he destroyed two toilets in one night at the Compuware Sports Arena in Plymouth, Mich.

 

Heck, I flooded a major convention center bathroom a couple years ago. That size pile don't go down easy!

 

Not wearing socks?

 

I hope he died doing what he loved.