Is this an appropriate lede for a high school baseball story?

Yeah, I think it's appropriate, but I agree with broadway joe that it's very unoriginal and bland, especially for a playoff contest.

Either way, though, the kiddo's going to be mentioned because he had a hand in the final play.

 

Yeah but if you lead with him, you should talk to him.

 

It's not needed, but it's appropriate. If this same kid has the game-winning home run, like Bullwinkle said, he would have been mentioned, too. The pitcher who let up that game-winning home run would have likely been mentioned as well.

 

I don't have an ethical problem, but, from a craft point of view, you ought to be able to tell me something better about how the game was decided than just listing the last play.

I mean, if you're going to do that, at least do it artfully.

Tell me how they had a chance to win it in a back-and-forth game and got their best hitter to the plate and he drove the CF to the wall before the ball nestled into the opponents' glove.

Just writing who made the last out seems like a lazy lede, more than anything else.

 

I do have a problem with it, a big problem. This is a high school kid you're talking about, and intentional or not, you're essentially holding this kid up for ridicule by emphasizing his failure in the lede. Very negative, and if the kid was my child, I'd be calling you out for it. You can work the final out into the middle part of story, or even as an impact ending, and I wouldn't have any problem with it. But not as the lede. And it would never see the light of day at my paper, because my editors would demand a rewrite.

 

If you honestly can write that game story without mentioning the kid had the last out with bases loaded in the last inning ... c'mon. If it's your son's tee ball game for the family newsletter, fine, but you're insulting your readers to gloss over that in a newspaper story.

Of course, be balanced. Mention that he had three hits. It's not like the kid went 0-for-5 and stranded 12 runners. There's putting on kid gloves, and there's just silliness on here sometimes.

 

Albert, you really bury that? So it's:

It was a sunny day in Hogtown, but eight runs just wasn't good enough for the Fighting Hens.

A crowd of hundreds saw a valiant effort from the hometown team, including three hits from senior MVP Joe Jones, who also had several outstanding catches.

Visiting Hornsnoggle held on for the win when a towering fly was caught in the final inning with the bases loaded. The loss ends a 10-game winning streak for Hogstown.



Is this a high school paper? The yearbook maybe?

 

Actually, I think it works much better as the last graf than the lede, especially this lede. It sucks. If you absolutely have to use it as the lede, then you have to set the stage. Here's how I'd write it.

"It was all there for Only High Wednesday night – a comeback victory, an 11th consecutive win and a chance to advance to the next round of the playoffs.

All the Bumfucks needed was for their best player to deliver in the clutch, as he has all season.

Only High had the bases loaded with two outs in the bottom of the seventh inning, trailing by a run, and Joe Jones at the plate looking for his fourth hit of the night. Just what the Bumfucks wanted.

But Jones, the Area League's Most Valuable Player for the season, couldn't answer the call this time, flying out to end the game, sending Only to a season-ending 9-8 defeat to Another High in the first round of the playoffs."

 

I don't think you can judge this without actually reading the lede. There are a lot of way to mention the last out in the lede. Some are appropriate and some aren't.

 

I think something combining the fact that he was 3-for-3 going in, the odds being good (or what comes up must come down) that he was the guy his team might have wanted in that situation considering the day he had. I don't know, high-school wise, if it's in good taste to do it in the lead. Mentioning it, yes, but maybe not the lede.

 

That "lead" is about how much space a prep game would get at my place. We've seen both extremes ... anyone want to do it right and take the middle ground?