Is this an appropriate lede for a high school baseball story?

Without writing my own lead, I know there's a lot of care exercised in "blaming" kids in high school stories, but when the MVP flies out to end the game, it has to be mentioned somewhere high, and he has to be named.

It does NOT have to be in the first paragraph, and this is obviously not an all-or-nothing proposition. But when it comes up in the natural flow of the game story, it belongs.

 

"Brian All-Star must suck. He flew out to end Podunk's unbelievable season."

How's that?

 

Off the top of my head. Gimme a break.

 

At the risk of repeating myself, I will repeat myself.

I don't care if you make the whole story about the fly out to end the game, as long as you talk to the kid about it.

You could end up with a great story. Same as if you wrote about a shortstop who booted a double play ball to let the winning runs score or whatever.

If you are going to make the kid a goat or seem like one, make sure you at least try to talk to him or her. I think many of you would find you get lot better quotes than if the kid hit one out of the park.

Some sports writers are loathe to do this, and I don't quite get it. If you are willing to put him in the lede, be willing to talk to him about it.

 

This is 100 percent correct. I am big on crafting stories such as this around a lead quote ... especially if this is a season-ender (is it? Or just a streak-ender?).

Anyway, you talk to the kid. Maybe he gives you a gem of a quote to craft a lead around.

Or maybe he doesn't, and you go another direction.

But season ending stories are easy to write. You get tons of emotional quotes, especially if it was a tight ball game. Maybe you can get a teammate to say something along the lines of "We had 'em right where we wanted him. With Johnny All-Star up, we thought we had the game won."

You can craft a lead from that, without throwing the flyout victim under the bus. Because, obviously, the kid doesn't deserve to be thrown under the bus. You can tell what happened, you can capture the neccessary emotion, without casting blame.

Put yourself in that team's position. How would YOU feel if you were in their dugout? And go from there.

I'm probably not explaining myself well, but it's not like I deal in words for a living or anything.