It seems Deadspin is about to go guns blazing at ESPN re: sex rumors

Now Deadspin has gone too far by stealing our schtick!!!

http://deadspin.com/5390420

 

Wait, AJ Daulerio is 35? Like, that's not a joke?

 

How old did you want him to be?

 

Ring, Ring! Ring, Ring! Ring, Ring! Ring, Ring!




A.J. Dauleiro: Heeeeelllllloooo! Gawker Media! This is A.J.!




Deadspin commentor: Me crave salacious dirt! Me wish to hear stories of journalists fucking! You deliver or me go start reading The Big Lead!




A.J. Dauleiro: Hmmm... What about a story involving Erin Andrews enjoying the Taco Bar at a college football game?




Deadspin commentor: Boooooo! Me already heard. Plus me no longer allowed within 100 yards of Andrews. Also, can't Google name. Police arrive in minutes!




A.J. Dauleiro: Ok, fine. Look, I don't know if this is true or not, but I'm going to run with it anyway. You know Norby Williamson? Yeah, neither do I. But he runs ESPN, and he loves to get pegged with a strap-on by one of the female anchors. Here is a picture someone emailed us of her allegedly giving Norby a handie under the table during a production meeting.









Deadspin commentor: OMG! Me just ejaculate in sweatpants!




The Big Lead: By now you've probably heard the Deadspin rumor about Norby, a certain on-air personality, and an under-the-table handjob that may or may not have caused Stuart Scott's eye injury. We have decided we're going to rise above this kind of salacious gossip and neither confirm nor deny what our sources are saying.




TBL commenter: What a joke! C'mon, man! Give something! Don't make us go read Sports By Brooks! Hurry up, my mom will be home any minute!




The Big Lead: Ok, fine. Here is a picture of Erin Andrews we shot last night at a Westin Hotel in Lincoln, Nebraska through a peep hole with a tiny camera we purchased from an ex-CIA agent. Don't hate, we're just giving the peeps what they want. As you can tell, I had obtain while under disguise.




Erin Andrews: Jesus! I'm being treated like Fucking Britney Spears!




John Clayton: ESPN is confirming that in the race for biggest douchebag on the internets, A.J. is still leading despite a strong case made by several other blogs.




Chris Berman: You know, those blogs need to get back to where they once belonged. I mean, what in the name of Jesus Skip To My Alou are they fucking doing here? It's late September, and they really should be back in school. I need a whole handful of duex, duex, duexs. By the way, you're with me, Piggy.




Will Leitch: A.J., I'm worried things are getting a little out of hand at my old site. The piece you ran yesterday about Scott Van Pelt having herpes was totally out of bounds. Oh shit, here he comes! Quick, duck under the desk and put on this disguise. You're going to have to wear it until you use this job as a springboard to get a traditional media job like me, while still renouncing and mocking traditional media to retain your hipster aesthetic.




Scott Van Pelt: Hey Will, tell Dauleiro I'm next in line after Salisburry gets done with him. For the last time, it was a fucking story about hitting coaches, not an ad for herpes treatments. Now I have to run because I'm off to babysit Tiger Woods' kids. But tell A.J. he's a dead man.




Dauleiro: Boy, that was close.




Sportsjournalists.com Posters: This whole thing is a disgrace. Deadspin should be more ashamed of itself than Steve Phillips, who clearly can't pull quality ass like we can, as evidenced by the Girlfriends, Wives and Mistresses of SportsJournalists.com calender that will someday be released. Now, if you'll excuse us, we have to read the latest interview one of us did with The Big Lead.




Bob Ley: Coming up next on Outside The Lines, are blogs to blame for 9/11? We'll examine that question with a panel of experts. Also, stay tuned for The Sports Reporters!




Jason Whitlock, from strip club champagne room: Man, that show sucks, but it doesn't suck as bad as Deadspin. Stuart Scott should be able sleep with all the white women he wants. Man code!


Fin.

 

Bravo, DD. Bra-freakin'-vo.

 

Nobody steals our fucking gimmick and gets away with it.

 

Wow, DD, that was fantastic. Who knew there was a dead ringer John Clayton muppet? Tremendous post.

 

Scott Van Pelt as Big Bird was my favorite part, but it was brilliant all around.

 

Ernie: What did he say about frogs?
Bert: He didn't say frogs, he said blogs.
Ernie: What about the frogs?
Bert: Not frogs! BLOGS! Take that banana out of your ear!
Ernie: Can't hear you, Bert, I have a banana in my ear.

 

I can't stop laughing. Classic stuff.

 

DD, no outing of spnited and JR!!