Just wondering how not_who_i_usually_am is doing?

And no, my buddy's name is not Boots.
[/waybackmachine]

 

So this is what it's like to walk into a club to see a local band perform and to walk out going "Holy shit I can't believe Bruce Springsteen showed up and played a set!!!"

 

Wcv, either your buddy isn't being exactly honest about why he quit the site or he has very little imagination.

 

Not, great to hear that you've come this far. Yeah, the job might not be as fulfilling, but in this job market it's a job. And, yeah, you're lonely now without that special someone, but in all honesty that's to be expected until you do find the next special someone. And you will find her.

I started the thread just before heading off to bed last night and was unable to come back here for nearly 24 hours, but I'm damn glad I started the thread now.

You are miles and miles ahead of where you were a year ago. Think about how many miles ahead from now you'll be a year from now.

in the meantime, I'm reminded of a saying I saw recently (though can't recall where I saw it): The happiness and things you achieve in life are directly proportionate to the number of uncomfortable conversations you're willing to have.

I wish I followed this line of thinking more in my life. It applies to both the personal (in our case, asking women out) and the professional (going for that job we want or going for that raise or just being willing to stand up to bad bosses).

I try myself to think of that advice more and more.

Hope things keep going in an upswing direction for you. (And in the meantime, we also got to read westcoastvol's great story. )

 

I actually looked into a dating site at one point. But I read probably 20 negative reviews of those sites for every good one, and figured it would be a waste of time and money. Apparently once you're on one, you're practically there for life. People complaining about getting matches of people who apparently only signed up for a free weekend months ago and aren't even members now and noted that the sites don't list a 'last logged-in' date, getting matches of people who lived across the country, getting MANY matches that weren't matches in the least. So many reviews just called it all a big scam, that they auto-renew your credit card and make it difficult to get it to stop. And on and on and on...

 

you need adult friend finder .com

 

One of my best friends used e-harmony for about three months and found a few good matches. Nothing materialized since she was on their so shortly, but she certainly didn't have any trouble with it being a scam.
Give it a shot, at least you'll have something to do. If you don't like it, cancel your membership.

I can't believe it's been that long since that thread got locked. I guess since dad's diagnosis and subsequent death time just flew...but I'm glad to hear everything is working out.

Cheers.

 

I advocate drinking heavily for a variety of things, so I really think that's an avenue you should explore.

Also, as a side note, I left journalism for marketing three years ago. It was a tough transition after more than 15 years in a single industry; however, the new work is challenging and different every day. I love it.
The most difficult thing the first year in the new job was missing that daily sense of accomplishment.
The horrific thing about newspaper work is that the presses roll every night, no matter what, so you better come up with something; however, that also provides a great sense of accomplisment every day. There is a finished work product every day. Whether you had a bad day or a good day, you can put your hands on that finished work product.
When you're accustomed to that, it's a hard thing to lose. It takes a while to adjust.

 

We live in a complaining society. When things don't go well, people will bitch (you should know this due to your journalism background). When things do go well, people don't usually take the time to express that thought (which is why everyone should take any online review with a grain of salt).

And these people who are complaining about these sites are people who probably don't check to see their subscription status to make sure it doesn't auto renew, or don't take the time to examine their search parameters, etc.

Go to match.com. I have a few different friends who have had good relationships and have even married from there. I have a hunch match.com knows what it's doing and is doing fairly well for itself, judging by the amount of TV commercials.

But it's not going to hand you a relationship on a silver platter. You're going to have to work at it, and you'll have to overcome any preconceived notions that you have thinking it won't work out.

Like someone said ... what's the worst that could happen? You get to spend a night or two with someone new, even if it doesn't lead to anything.

 

Thanks for the update, not. And thanks to old_tony for starting this thread.
I guess I'll go against the grain and recommend developing that spiritual side some more. You just might end up finding a sense of accomplishment that's currently missing with work.
Mind you, I'm not saying to avoid women like the plague. If you meet someone (at work, church, on the street, wherever) and it ends up being a great thing, that's awesome. But sometimes those things truly hit you when you least expect them. My wife and I are proof of that.

 

I've been wondering about not as well. Glad to hear things have picked up.

Sounds like you'll have the rough days from time to time, but at least you've been able to forgive exslut. Forgiveness is not one of my strengths. Hell, it took years before I could finally let go of my issues with my mother. And I still have my moments when I get pissed about my ex employers.

But kudos for making it so far in the year since the shit hit the fan. I congratulate you and I look forward to reading about your progress through life.

 

I'm glad to hear that you're doing well, Not.

I wholeheartedly endorse the suggestion of trying dating sites. After my divorce, I met so many women on dating sites (mostly eHarmony, but also others) that it helped me develop the most fun and insane social life I've ever had in my life. Dating so many great women helped me regain my confidence and move on. After what happened to me, I needed to feel like I was worthy of being loved again. Dating all those women really helped with that. It was a major self-esteem boost.

Once I got bored juggling all of that, I found someone on eHarmony who was worth committing to ... and it's turned out to be the best relationship of my life. We've been dating for 2 1/2 years, she's moved in, and we're talking marriage. Those sites really do work. I met my life partner on that site, and a heck of a lot of other quality women before that.

As I've told you before, you're quite a catch. In shape, with a good job and a caring heart. Stop selling yourself short and telling yourself it won't work. That's the negativity talking. Take the plunge ... for $30 a month, what can you lose? Just try one month and see how it goes. If you don't like it, cancel.

In any event, good luck and I look forward to reading about when you meet the love of your life. It will happen!