Ladies and Gentlemen "THIS IS WRITING!!!"

It's why he wrote this one.

I told you before,
stay away from my door,
Don't give me that "brother, brother, brother, brother"
The freaks on the phone,
won't leave me alone.
So don't give me that "brother, brother, brother, brother!"
I found out,
I found out!!

Now that I showed you,
what I been through,
Don't take nobody's word,
what you can do!

There ain't no Jesus,
gonna come from the sky!
Now that I found out,
I know I can cry!
I found out, I, I found out!!

Some of you sitting there,
with your cock in your hand
Don't get you nowhere,
don't make you a man!

I learned something,
bout my ma and my pa
They didn't want me,
so they made me a star!!

I found out! I, I found out!
Old hare Krishna, got nothing on you
Just keep you crazy, with nothing to do
Keep you occupied, with pie in the sky
There ain't no guru, who can see thru your eyes
I found out

I been through junkies, I been through it all
I've seen religion, from Jesus to Paul
Don't let them fool you, with dope and cocaine
No one can harm you, feel your own pain!!
I found out!
I, I found out!!

 

If he would have stopped using the "imagine" like right there, the column would be a lot more readable. But when you use gimmicks like that, they can wear thin very quickly.

 

imagine no sportsbras. it's easy if you try.

 

Imagine having no one to edit your copy.

 

Spelling . . . it's fundamental.

Take it away. Far away. Loser.

 

Sirs, Madames,

I don't know if THIS IS WRITING but I think THIS MIGHT BE A COPY EDITING TEST FOR A J-CLASS.

Take the following story and remove the word "Imagine" and all but one pop-culture reference.

YHS, etc

 

Yup, Journalism 101: Don't write a fucking lead with "imagine."

 

Sirs, Madames,

Of course, it does have a touch of Jimmy Cannon's worst ... yeah, he's supposed to be a legend and all, but when he'd write You're Joe Louis my first thought would be, No, I'm not. The only thing worse than projecting empathy is demanding it, I suppose.

YHS, etc

 

Imagine a message board without self-righteous assholes who believe they are better, smarter and/or more enlightened and/or more civil than everyone else.

That being said, I can't believe anyone, other than Slam magazine, would take Scoop Jackson serious enough to give him a job writing about anything deeper or more serious than "the West Coast rappers shootin' up the East Coast rappers."

I have an old Slam magazine where Scoop wrote about Larry Bird. It was a decent enough piece, until the sentence that went "Larry Bird plays basketball so well, it makes my dick hard."

Brilliant stuff.

 

Being relentlessly self-righteous is a bad habit . . . but it's much, much better than being a plain,
garden-variety asshole.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, THIS IS CRAP!!!