Mental Health

Talk to your doctors, and check in with your hospital for leads on contacts. Hospitals almost always have groups dealing with cancer, grief and general therapeutic needs of the type it sounds like you need, and they can be helpful.

I loved Mr._Graybeards's mention of a friend who blogged about his experience with his health issues. That'd probably be a great outlet, and it doesn't have to be on a blog that a lot of other people might see, if you don't want that. Could just be a private journal, or maybe something intended for your family/significant others to see, at some point. Your feelings and experiences, and what you have to say, are worthwhile, and they might even be treasured by some.

And please, keep sharing with us if you think that would help you in some way. It would certainly help us.

 

I'll echo the AA point. You will find someone to help you out.

As a person with dual diagnosis, I can tell you lowering expectations can help. The next medication isn't going to change things. Talking to a therapist can string things along. You are not going to find a silver bullet.

Focus on what you need and don't hurt other people.

 

And don’t hurt yourself either.

 

Man I wish I had something for you to help you. I can't pretend to know what you're going through; I can only offer you to be optimistic - it's better than being pessimistic and best of all, its free. I'm hoping for the best for you.

 

I appreciate all the feedback. Reached out to two support groups -- one for head and neck cancer, the other for lung cancer -- and will check out both, though I suspect the lung cancer group consists of people in worse shape than me (physically anyway lol) who are long-time smokers.

Have a second opinion tomorrow at Sloan Kettering about whether this course of active surveillance is the best approach, etc. Been laying off the sauce and the weed, sleeping as much as possible, basically trying to reset, and feeling the benefits already.

We'll see.

Boogie.

 

Update: the second opinion at Sloan confirmed the diagnosis and course of treatment, i.e., active surveillance.

The scar tissue in my neck is still scar tissue and not a new manifestation of my cancer no matter how much I rub it or think it’s possible.

He sold me on the same salient aspects of my case and said I should get on a low dose RX of lexapro for my anxiety.

Subsequent to that my wife and I left Sloan and got drinks at the Carlyle Hotel, cuddled in the sheep meadow in Central Park at sunset, then returned to the Carlyle at happy hour and drank several $30 martinis each.

BC it just don’t cost nothing…

 

Reminds me of one of my favorite Amanda Anne Platt songs.

Go be in love awhile. It’s good therapy.

 

If you're ever up here we have a martini bar that makes up to 300 martinis, traditional and with modern twists, and you can enjoy them on a deck by the river.

 

Talk to someone.

I know you don't want to burden your family. But your family wants to help you. And you have got to talk to someone about this.

There's always a group at the hospital. People going through exactly what you're going through. Join.

Social worker through the hospital. Trained to talk you through the worst of it.

Priest. Minister. Rabbi.

AA is a great idea.*

Medicating and isolating yourself is only making everything worse. Again, your family wants to help you.

Honesty and courage are the only way forward.

Try yoga. Try steam. Try a cold plunge.

Try this: David Lynch Foundation | Transcendental Meditation

But trying to white knuckle it alone isn't working.

And never will.

Let people help you.

DM me if you want to.




* Not only does drinking make all the psychological stuff worse, it's worth remembering that alcohol metabolizes as sugar.

Cancer loves sugar.

So if you haven't already changed your diet, change it.



Lots of great books to choose from. And a better diet will improve your mood, your overall health, your energy, and your outlook.

 

I just spoke to a social worker at Yale and she has added me to a group of cancer survivors that meets each month on zoom. Unfortunately the next meeting isn’t until August 24, but it’s a start and is something to look forward to. It’s been my experience that talking to people who’ve shared this journey is more beneficial than speaking to those who haven’t. Like, for instance, one of my doctors I met yesterday at Sloan. This woman, who is now in her early 30s, had non-Hodgkins lymphoma when she was 12 years old. She was so impressed by the care she received at Sloan that she wanted to become an oncologist. She graduated from Harvard Medical School. Coincidentally, she also grew up in Greenwich, where I work, so it felt fateful or something to be under her care and have so much in common.

 

That's it.

Exactly right.

Find people who know what you're feeling and talk to them about it.

Vent. Listen. Rage. Cry. Breathe.

Hang in there, man. We'll figure it out as best we can.