Mid-Life Crisis Suggestions?

I've had one at 30, am currently still in it. Trust me, have one of those superficial crises because it is a lot easier to deal with the fallout.

 

Is his nickname Tater Salad?

 

Dear Lord.

So what's the deal with espresso shots?

 

So I think every guy's been in this situation before, amiright? I was making out with my wife — well, she was just my fiancee back then — oh, and she's a former model — and I'm feeling her up a little and things are starting to get a little frisky, when my Blackberry Curve Model 3.8 buzzes. It wasn't out yet for the public, but I have some friends in important places because I sell them coffee sometimes. You know how it goes.

So I take that peek. Everyone knows that peek, where you're right in the middle of making out with your ex-model fiancee and you sneak a glance at your limited edition, not-publicly-available smartphone to see who is e-mailing. And I see it's a special e-mail from a chef at my favorite French-Portuguese-Cambodian fusion restaurant. They just got in a special shipment of fattened goose liver. It's like foi gras but melts in your mouth even more and pairs excellently with a 1983 Schmitt Söhne Riesling. But I'm getting off track here.

So then she turns over, and what do you say? Caught taking the peek!

What do you even say when you're caught taking the peek? I mean, there are smooth moves when she sees you checking out another girl, but when you put your limited edition, not-yet-publicly-available smartphone ahead of her, then what? So I did what any self-respecting man would do: I zipped up and went to get the goose liver. Hey, you can only liver once, amiright?

http://instantrimshot.com/

 

My buddy was broke, and I was letting him crash on my couch. He had no job, and no drive.

Instead of getting a job, he decided he should explore acting and/or stand up. So, three weeks in a row, we go to open mic night, and each time he chickens out on going up on stage.

So, the third week, I put my name in. I think he and my girlfriend thought I just put in my name to hold a spot for him. But, they call my name, and I bound up there.

It was right before St. Patrick's Day, and I did a whole thing about how the Irish are the only people who celebrate their culture by reinforcing the most negative stereotypes people have about us.

So, first, I made fun of Irish folks for being drunken slobs, and then I told a bunch of jokes about the things other ethnic groups don't do to celebrate their culture.

Now, maybe it wasn't great, but it went over well. Most of the folks who did the open mic night at this joint went every week -- like the folks who sing karaoke -- and many of them did the same, or similar, material each time. So, I was no meat, with new material, that was current.

I was happy. Got a lot of positive feedback. My friend and girlfriend were shocked. Couldn't believe I did it, and was so funny. I hadn't told either of them I planned to do it.

I've never done it again. (Though, each St. Patrick's Day, i think about finding an open mic night.) And, I don't think my buddy has ever done it.

 

Freq would appreciate this attention to detail.

 

Yeah, but he would know that it is vital to have a burner shovel.

 

Put off your mid-life crisis until after December of this year. Might as well wait to see if those misinterpreted Mayan predictions are right -- don't want to spend your last months on earth in a mid-life crisis, do you?

 

I still have abou eight years left in the mid-third of my life, statistically.
If I had money to be more self-indulgent, I'd by a prewar Martin dreadnought, preferably a D28.