Miscarriage

Good move. Keep working those angles. And I'm sorry for your loss.

 

Listen and hugs.

 

I'm so sorry. My wife and I lost a daughter just hours after she was born, and have gone through a couple of miscarriages as well.

I learned a lot going through those things, and there's one thing I would recommend in addition to the other good advice here: Don't hesitate to try (or at least mention the possibility of) counseling. Everyone handles these things differently, but everyone needs to have an outlet. Whether it's something you do together or just something she does, what counseling provides—in addition to expertise, obviously—is the freedom to talk about this without the worry that you're burdening friends, family, etc. Yes, you should be able to lean on friends and family, but you'd be surprised to learn a) how much YOU actually worry about "bringing people down" by talking about it, even when you really need to; and b) how unsupportive people can be. A couple of months after our daughter died, we literally had someone tell us, "Shouldn't you be over it by now?"

(Lurker for years and years here. Finally made an account after seeing this.)

 

One or the things that breaks me down is that she keeps blaming herself. I keep telling her that it’s not her fault.

 

So sorry for your loss. I had three, and honestly, what will help most is time. And talking to someone, if you are so inclined. It is more common than you think, and you'll probably learn that it's happened to lots of folks in your circle so hopefully you'll get some support there.

 

I’m very sorry.

Talk to people. Keep talking to each other.

And if she wants to go see someone in person, even though COVID is here, don’t hesitate for one instant when you say yes.

 

Nothing much to add to what has already been said. Hang in there, be present and it’s okay to acknowledge the heartbreak with friends.

My wife and I lost 3 and now have 2, 12 and 9. Our family doctor was great in that he was supportive but blasé about it saying it’s super common and my wife did nothing wrong.

Make sure you’re getting rest, eating and hydrating.

 

Yes. Dealt with this and it was awful and there's nothing that will make it not be awful. I don't know whether it's like this for everyone, but for us, we still haven't gotten over it entirely. When we did have a son a couple years later, it in some ways made it better but in others it made it worse. Our son is amazing, and it's tough not to wonder what the first one would have been like. You probably will be numb for awhile, and that's ok. You'll pull out of that gradually. People will say dumb things. That's ok, too. It's because they really don't know what to say. Who does? Lastly, while there will be few worse ones, there will be better days. It probably doesn't seem like it right now, though. Hang in there.

 

How awful, I'm so sorry. Thinking about you.

 

It is a grieving process. You expect to have a healthy baby, dream and prepare for that day, and it doesn't happen. It's a terrible thing to experience. But she -- and you -- are not alone. There are support networks out there you can reach out to, to perhaps help explain the whys and the what's nexts.

After a Miscarriage: Surviving Emotionally | American Pregnancy Assoc.

My mother still talks about the one she lost in 1960, and it's one of my earliest memories. She rarely cries, and I remember her crying uncontrollably for days -- but at the time, didn't know why. She had two healthy boys after that.

I always refer to Gwen as third of four children, but her brother Richard died of SIDS before she was born, making her fourth of five. Their family rarely mentions him, which is sad. The pain of losing someone so young, with so much life ahead, has to be heartbreaking.

Our thoughts remain with you both.