Miscarriage

I am so sorry. Nothing can truly make it better, but most importantly, be there for each other. Mrs. W and I have been down this road, and I do echo that professional help is something which was of great assistance.

 

No words from a stranger on a message board can help, but try to hang tough. Don't blame yourself, and don't let the GF blame herself. Whatever she wants - counseling, alone time, cuddle time - make sure she gets.

Time will make it easier, but it won't make it go away. Never. When you do have a bundle of joy, cherish your child the way he or she deserves to be cherished.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your loss; I can't pretend to know what you guys are going through. When my friends and I started trying for families (early-mid 30s) it hit me like brick, the reality that wanting to have kids did not immediately mean you would be having kids. From the time I was conscious of sex it was like "if you even think about sex you're getting her pregnant", then my friends and family (mirroring what our doctors were telling my wife and I) would talk about "difficulties" in conceiving. I wish you and your GF the best going forward.

 

The only way to the other side of this is through it. It's nobody's fault, this is someting that happens to people.

There are some counseling alternatives you might want to look into. Some universities and religious organizations have started offering online sessons via Zoom or Skype. If your (or her) alma mater has a graduate clinical psych or social work program, they may offer couseling services with doctoral or MCSW candidates. Some of these people already have a gift for helping others. They can be pretty darned amazing.

Also, please keep in mind that there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to grief. No book or mental health professions or best buddy can tell you the steps or how long or anything. The best people can offer are suggestions for coping mechanisms.

Peace and healing to you.

 

My mother was the same way about the miscarriage she had in the late 1960s, before my older brother was born. Like yours, she was not one to show her grief.

Splinter, I am very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you both.

 

Small update. The girlfriend is in better spirits, still hurting, though.

I did show her this thread. First, she asked me what the hell is a message board... ANYWAY, she appreciates all the kind messages and advice. Much appreciated from the both of us.

 

That’s your first mistake, showing her this place. I’m happy to hear her mood has lightened slightly. Take care of yourselves.

 

just this thread. She hates politics. So I won’t show her how Trump cheats at golf.

 

I hate that I need to update this thread, and I'm not looking for any sympathy. Unfortunately, we just found out that my girlfriend had another miscarriage. 2020 can absolutely F off. We have been expecting this for the last week an half, so it's not a big shocker, and it's still tough; however, much easier than the first time. We will not give up, and we will try again when the time is right.

 

Sorry to hear, again. Keep pluggin' away.

 

Sorry, Splinter.

You might consider getting some advice and / or genetic testing from a local fertility clinic or doctor.

Hang in there.

 

So sorry.