Moncton ... the nicest city in Canada

Pray tell, Mr. Bostock, what do you get to see in the mirror? Insecurity?

 

Honesty. And not believing your own B.S.

Insecurity? Funny, I thought that was a primary Canadian trait. I guess that's why so many of your countrymen have to go around patting themselves on the back all the time while looking down their noses at their neighbor.

 

Mr Bostock,

I don't doubt that your intentions are good. I don't even doubt that when you hint at the idea that what I write about having at least set foot in the 48 continental states might be something other than true. However--and though I don't for a second mean to suggest that your time in Kelowna wasn't educational--you might not be aware that I come at this discussion as a neutral party, or at least near as one as lurks about here. It's unanimous in the U.S.: Someone in Toronto is a foreigner. It's virtually unaminous north of the border outside the 416-905 area codes: Someone from Toronto isn't really Canadian. The only hard feelings that Canadians (beyond an hour's drive from Henry Moore's Archer) reserve for anyone at all are reserved towards someone from Toronto. If they can't feel ill will towards a Torontonian--often the case--then they depersonalize it and have this vague ill will about the very notion or existence of Toronto. Sad, alas, but true. I have no idea why. I can't say that I have a bad word to say about my fellow man anywhere else--you'll note the original thread was not about superiority or even quality of life in Canada vis a vis the U.S. but simple politeness. Not that Americans are impolite, mind you. Just that Canadians are ridiculously polite. Why, just the other day, I said "Excuse me!" when I bumped into my neighbour while vacuuming my sidewalk. "Not at all," she said as she buffed her driveway to a well-laquered shine. "Please after you." "No, I countered, "you!" And so it went until the first snow fell. Just our normal way of doing things. Canadians don't greet each other per se, they just find a way to apologize to their fellow man upon seeing them. In those cases an American says "Hello"--or even more painfully "Howya' doin'"--a Canadian (even a Torontonian) will say, "Oh I'm so glad to see you, sorry, I musty apologize, I've been meaning to call you." (He'll say that even to complete strangers.) Alphonse and Gaston: It's our everyday life. We point our fingers at crosswalks and cars stop--we try to wave cars through so that drivers won't be late for important business and the drivers in turn insist on hopping out of their cars to ask if we need their assistance. This so slowed our economy that for a brief time the US dollar was actually worth more than the Canadian buck. Tighter traffic standards have given rise to a rebound in the exchange rate. If our forecasts are true (stopwalk traffic will proceed with a 45 percent improvement in efficiency and American troops will remain in Iraq until our grandchildren draw pensions) a 2:1 Canadian-US exchange ratio is within sight. We will not raise our voices and will not interrupt--in contrast to PTI, sports-talk radio in Canada is largely a gathering of sportswriters who tell each other how great they look and then find controversial issues to agree on. CBC's Newsworld, our nearest thing to CNN, had its own show modeled on ye olde Crossfire but it failed miserable: two commentators, one a Liberal (think of a US communist) and the other a Conservative (think of a Socialist) would sit across a table and try to tickle each other with feathers. Pretty predictable. So it goes. And so, with all this placed in context, I know that I speak for all Canadians on this board when I say that where you, Mr Bostock, live in the greatest and most blessed of countries on the face of the earth is without doubt the most polite place not only in Christendom but across the planet in even the most heathen of regions. Moreover the darkest corner in your country would shine like a kleig light next to the brightest thing our country--or any other country--has to offer.

My heartfelt apologies. My sincerest thanks.

I am, as ever, Your Humble and Unworthy Servant, etc

 

Post. Of. The. Century.

As always, Mr. Friendless, it's an honor and a privilege.

 

Funny stuff, Mr. Friendless, but you're putting words in my mouth. (Surprise!)

I never said any of the things you assert in your last few sentences. Never even implied them. I said there are polite people and impolite people all over the place. No place has a monopoly on saints, nor does anyplace have a monopoly on boorish behavior. And that, indeed, there might -- might -- be an American city or two that could crack that list.

I believe you were the one who made a snarky comment about how no American cities could. So really, if you're wondering why the thread took this turn, blame yourself. That comment seemed to come out of left field. It seemed to be totally out of place. But if there's one thing true about the Canadian psyche, it's the need to compare itself to the U.S. in every detail and see itself as the better place, usually with a fair amount of smugness and condescention.

I would think a more secure, mature nation wouldn't need to do that.

 

Ahem ... condescension.

 

Thanks for the correx. Maybe I was using the Canadian spelling?

 

Nope. Then you would have put a U in it.

It's not my Canadianism that makes me arrogant, by the way. It's my cunning wit, incomparable intelligence and stunning good looks.

 

Sir,

We humble Canadians just need a clarification. We know that we know nothing about your United States. We go stone blind when we hit the border that we really don't deserve to share. I know I risk a breach of politesse by just taking down your words but isn't if there's one thing true about the Canadian psyche, it's the need to compare itself to the U.S. in every detail and see itself as the better place, usually with a fair amount of smugness and condescention one of those generalizations you speak of? I ask this only as a point of clarification--it's a point I'd like to open for discussion at Sunday school today. My original comment focused on the fact that Canadians say: You're welcome. Americans don't. And the fact is, in my experience in the U.S.A., when waited upon in restaurants high and low (okay, probably more low than high), this has been almost without exception the case: No Problem or Uh-huh. Breakfast ... probably no exception and it does grate like a chainsaw on the ears of Canadians who grow up on a steady diet of Hinterland Who's Who and Dudley Do-right's PSAs about federal regulations regarding the use of Please, Thank You and You're Welcome. I know of course that I'm wrong on this count. On my many trips to the U.S. I have somehow stumbled into those places I hear about on Lou Dobbs's show--places that hire illegal aliens. For all I know they're probably Canadians feigning regional accents to avoid detection, removal from God's Greatest Country and return to their uncivilized backwater. Probably all businesses owned and operated by blackhearted foreigners too. As penance, on my next trip to the U.S., when my server says You're Welcome, I will do backsprings out the door like Gomez Addams while singing God Bless America. I will be safe in the knowledge that I have been served by one of the legion of graduates from the thriving chain of American charm schools. I'm sure they all follow the shining example set by your Vice-President and his cordial greetings of members on the other side of the aisle.

Again I do thank you for taking the time to point out our inadequacies and to hold our Canadian hands as you lead us, as ever, into the American light. We really don't deserve your time and you show us the error of our ways with every point, nay, every comma, in your posts. I know I speak for my fellow Canadians in expressing our gratitude for this cross-border dialogue, one that we really aren't worthy in participating in.

YHS, etc

 

Monsieur Ami,
Vous etes mon gagnant.
Merci,
Flash

 

Pointless. And, sadly, all too typical.

 

Yes, Lyman, you are.