more fun with brutal ledes.

Big as a beef company being purchased?

 

Well, lets not go overboard.

 

A friend of mine once described a lopsided football loss as "the worst disaster to hit the Irish since the Potato Famine of 1859." It was gently removed.

 

Maybe we should start a worst lede contest -- who can lay the biggest turd at the top of an imaginary story? Here's my first effort:

At yesterday's emotional funeral for Crestwood football coach Billy Smith, the most emotional moment came when quarterback Dave White tried and failed to deliver the eulogy: His lips quivered like two Oktoberfest sausages jumping in a hot pan, or the engorged labia of an orgasmic pregnant woman. It was the saddest thing this faithful reporter has witnessed since Billy Smith's actual death, which happened at last Sunday's 24-21 overtime loss to Catholic, the chalk outline sprayed around his rotund body bleeding into the fifty yard line, like our tears into our Arby's napkins.

 

The scary is many of us know worse - and more gross - ledes than this. Ugh ...

 

Hey, it's hard to write badly on purpose. It's like punching yourself in the face.

 

I will never forget where I was the day that JBS had reached an agreement to buy National Beef.

 

"Lions haven't been in this much trouble since Siegfried & Roy."

 

I actually recognized the monumental importance of the merger and its inevitbale worldwide implications immediately, so I was thinking listing events of which the historical importance is immediately evident would have made for a better lede. You know, like the bombing of Pearl Harbor and the falling of the Berlin War.

Clearly a serious missed opportunity by an otherwise strong writer.

 

God, I love this lede.

 

The writer is the one that does not belong.

 

lol!