My New Neighbor -- What to Do?

A thread about a new neighbor, and THESE are the responses? Where's zeke? Where's slappy? Where's someone to hit the ball off the tee?

 

It's become too easy at this point.

 

For the record, at first I thought this thread had been started by someone else.

 

Say precisely these words: "Yeah-yeah, you're right, sure, you betcha, i'll get right on it."

Then proceed to do nothing.

Couple days later, he'll mosey over and say, "hey, i thought you were gonna prune the bushes, pull the weeds, yack yack blah blah etc etc."

Then say --- precisely these words: "Yeah-yeah, you're right, sure, you betcha, i'll get right on it." : : (Be sure and add the theatrical eye-rolls and the wistful sigh.)

Once again, proceed to do nothing.

Repeat ad infinitum until he quits.

NOTE: Even if it takes 20 goddamn years and from time to time his suggestions may actually make sense, make sure you NEVER do whatever it is he suggests you do. Never. Front lawn overrun by weeds and he knows just the seed combination to fix it? PAVE the fucker. Cover it with asphalt. Throw him one bone, he'll chew on it for as long as you both live there.

 

Webster's new neighbor:

 

Wow, that never even occurred to me. My first thoughts went to sabotage not ass sex.

 

Fuck his wife in the ass. On his yard.

There.

 

We're doing like Stoob and trying to make this a better place....:

 

Clearly, there's one of two ways to put an end to the nosy, newsy neighbor:

Poop on his lawn. Or kick him in the nuts.

Either way, he won't bother you again.

 

And it just dawned on me, since I am slow.

Lipstick. On the walls.

 

My suggestion is probably the easiest of all:
Buy his house and donate it to me! I'm sure you'll get some tax write-off or something and you'll definitely get a neighbor that won't give a shit about your property.

Also, a soccer game viewing party will be very close by. What do you say?

Or you can pull a stoob and fuck him in the ass.

 

Put bologna on his car. That'll strip the fucker's paint right off.