My New Neighbor -- What to Do?

Times like this I'm almost glad I rent and have no hope of buying before my 75th birthday.

 

Good for a laugh, but it's serious too -- you follow even ONE of the dude's suggestions and it turns out half-decent, you will never be able to shut him up about it. "As I told you about your weed problem, now I have some ideas on how you should paint your gutters. Then we can talk about your aluminum siding."

Never give him the ammunition to put in his gun. : :

 

I've been in the throes of remodeling for a bit and one of my next-door neighbors has reiterated to me repeatedly more than a dozen times that he "hopes I paint the house a nice color."

Since no one should paint a whole house without seeing how the color looks on the house first, I've gotten a few small sample pots of purple, gold and aquamarine and painted small swatches on the side of my house that faces his.

 

Simple. Just knock out one of his tailights and plant an eight-ball of coke in his car. He gets pulled over for his busted tailight and voila, cop finds coke and you don't have to worry about him for 4-5 years.

 

Upper decker

 

Another thing you can do is go to the hardware store and pick up a gallon of RoundUp with the spray trigger.

Use that to spell "STFU" in giant letters on his lawn. The spray trigger allows for very nice letterforms on a lush green canvas. With enough practice, you can do it in a serif font, as well.

 

YES!!!!!!!!!!

 

I like the spray cans of MiracleGrow instead. He won't notice a thing until he next big rainstorm, when big green letters erupt across the yard. Or, you might drop a few hints: "Oliver, your lawn's looking a little dry. Think you ought to haul out the sprinklers?

 

And open a bag of dandelion seeds. Insult to injury and all.

 

So glad a certain "member" didn't start this thread.

 

I appreciate the suggestions, but I'm not about to deface my brand new, life savings eating, house out of spite. Yet.

Just got home and found out that he had a long conversation with my Mom, who was watching my daughter today, about the yard. He drew some ideas as to how he would fix the landscaping and gave it to her. If I had 8 grand to spare and a team of illegal immigrants for a week, I could probably do half of what he suggested.

I'm going to have to talk with the guy and be calm.