NBA player accused of driving drunk & pleasuring himself at same time

Damn these DVD players! In the old days we had to flip through Glamour magazine to masturbate while driving.

 

How can you get in an accident in eight seconds?

 

Reaching for the Kleenex?

 

Ace - I figured you as more of a "National Geographic" guy.

 

I wasn't talking about me. I was talking about a friend.

 

Reminds me of when James Worthy was arrested after being with two hookers.

The best line was, "you'd think that after all of these years in the NBA, Worthy would have been tired of being double-teamed."

 

Practicing his crossover dribble?

 

That's what happens when you offload while you're loaded.

 

Putting aside for a moment the question of why in the world would a person get drunk, drive, watch porn and masturbate at the same time, I ask this: why in the world would someone admit to witnesses after a crash that he was driving drunk while watching porn and masturbating?

Crash victim: Jesus man, you smashed right into me!

Eddie Griffin: Damn, I'm so sorry. Look, I can't go to jail. Let me buy you a car.

Crash victim: Crap. My car is totally fucked up, pal. Seriously, how did you not see me?

Eddie Griffin: Well, you see, I was masturbating and watching porn. Also ... I've been drinking.

Crash victim: Oh. Don't worry. It happens to the best of us.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if that's pretty close to how the conversation played out.

 

It is a b

It is probably a badge of honor.

 

And then there is the small matter of drinking and driving.

A far more serious offense, in my opinion, than smoking pot.