Neon Deion Sanders Biofile

Cry ... meet ... for help.

 

LOl

and BTW Mr. Shock, you got anything better to share?

 

What do you think, Deion gets at least $100 for that 2k gold right?

 

You know you're a total joke when even D_B has piled on.

 

And yes, I have this album.

 

We all have better.

But not to share. Shameless self-promotion and empty puffery isn't the point of this place. Which is why you keep getting hammered here every time you post your own stuff.

 

Show me something better than empty puffery big boy Azzrael. The Neon Deion piece is timely and quite interesting, thought some might enjoy it. Shockey, show us your best stuff. Let's see how great you are hotshot.

 

Oy.

 

Honest question for you, have you ever asked an athlete a tough hard hitting question?

 

Baby Biofile compiles his first Biofile, with the family physician, Dr. Morton.

Ht: 5-8. Wt: Too much for a doctor (laughs)
DOB: Not saying.
Doctor inspirations: Trapper John.
Nicknames: Shakes, Dr. Death (laughs)
Hobbies/Leisure Activities: Insurance fraud (laughs)
Early Doctor Memory: When I was 10, this neighbor girl joined me in the basement...



As a 15-year-old, Teenage Biofile hit it big with his Biofile of Led Zeppelin. Along the way he met a girl named Penny, who gave him his first kiss but stole 25 dollars out of his manpurse, which she used to purchase some bad acid.

Zeppelin Biofile
Ht: Combined, about 23 feet. Wt: Combined 425 pounds
Rock inspirations: The devil and Robert Johnson.
Favorite fish: Mud shark (laughs, not sure why).



Biofilists know that Norman Mailer was an early mentor for Biofile. Mailer taught Biofile how to take a woman down with words, and a man down with your knuckles. Late one night in January of 1982, an intoxicated Mailer sat down for a Biofile with his protege:

DOB: January 21, 1923.
Motto: Tough guys don't dance.
Enemies: Capote, Styron, Vidal.
Regrets: Using a penknife instead of an ax (laughs).
Best writer you've ever seen: Me.



All Biofiles, unless otherwise noted, are conducted in the BioMobile, a state of the art RV outfitted with every recording device invented since 1898. The BioMobile was the inspiration behind John Madden's Madden Mobile (see Madden Biofile from December 1990 for full story). Biofile is capable of conducting 25 simultaneous Biofiles, although he's only had to do that once, for a SideFile he did for Playboy called Tiger's Ladies.



Biofile's reputation took a slight hit when, during a Big Ten coaches' press conference, he interrupted the proceedings to tell Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz, "Hey coach, my girlfriend's a big fan. She still wears her Ronnie Harmon throwback jersey - yeah, I know, even after the Rose Bowl. I was just wondering if you'd have time for a brief Biofile, what I call a QuickieFile. All right, great."

Kirk Ferentz
Inspirations: Hayden Fox. Hayden Fry
Enemies: Tom Hayden
First coaching memory: Screaming at Daniel Smith when I was 12 years old. Fatass failed to pull properly on a sweep during a playground game.
Least-favorite words: Exertional Rhabdomyolysis



For most of the world, Y2K turned into nothing. But Biofile suffered a brief outage on January 1, 2000. For approximately three days, Biofile was only capable of promoting Biofiles conducted before 1900 and all other Biofiles were inaccessible.

Still, it gave Biofile the chance to join the forgottengenerals.com forum, where he plugged a biofile with George McClellan.

DOB: December 3, 1826.
Regrets: Is this where I'm supposed to say the Peninsula Campaign? Never!
Proudest accomplishment: Holding the Union together.
Inspirations: Xerxes 1.



Biofile's ultimate goal is to Biofile every human in history, or at least everyone who's ever worn a jockstrap. His Biofiles have been transferred to a mountain in Utah, where they are guarded 24 hours a day by former Secret Service agents (who pass rigorous background checks and are Biofiled before serving).

In the meantime, Biofile continues his work, delivering to the masses, while fighting the haters. The former are welcome to visit thebiofile.com. The latter? They're welcome to feast on a knuckle sandwich.

 

That's some inspired work right there.