No Idiots Allowed Fantasy League

Are you calling me a flaming Buddhist?

 

It sounded more like a "Roasted Nut"

 

That's a little more like it.



'A new monk came to the monastery. He said to Zhao-Chou: “I’ve just arrived here. I asked the master to provide me instruction.” Zhao-Chou said: “Have you eaten?” The monk said: “Yes, I’ve eaten.” Zhao-Chou said: “Go wash your bowl.” Upon hearing these words the monk was enlightened.'

 

Only two things are infinite, the universe and Buck's stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

 

http://www.mastasia.com/BoobJobs/01.htm

 

Chris, you evil is just the opposite side of my goodness.
Yet all sides are one side.

Disciple: Master, why did Bodhidharma come from the West?
Master: Ask that post over there.
Disciple: I don't understand
Master: Neither do I.

 

A Christian, a Muslim and a Buddhist die and arrive at the Gate of Heaven. An angel (or deva) stops them and asks, "Why do you come here? Can you tell me the reasons why you are allowed to enter Heaven?"

The Christian replies, "My ancestors disobeyed God, and I sinned all my life: I killed, I lied, I cheated my wife and I was greedy. However, Jesus died for me and all my sins are forgiven. So I deserve to enter Heaven."

"OK," replies the Angel. "Sounds good, but I must give you an entrance examination before you can enter." The Christian promptly agrees and the Angel asks him: "How do you spell God?" It is an easy question, and the Christian passes through the Gate.

Next came the Muslim, who says, "I did not do any especially good or evil things during my life but I was very devout. I prayed to God five times a day. So, I too should enter Heaven." The Angel replies, "It sounds OK to me, but I have to give you a test also. How do you spell Allah?" The Muslim passes the test and enters Heaven.

Finally, it is the Buddhist's turn. He tells the Angel, "I've done all the good things in my life and I followed Buddha's five precepts: I never killed, I donated to charities, I meditated every day, and I never cheated my boss nor my customers." The Angel replies, "That is very good, but there are no exceptions. You must pass the entrance test also in order to get in." Thinking that the test should be simple, the Buddhist happily agrees.

The Angel then asks him: "How do you spell Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva?"

 

Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Tree falling in the forest.

 

Why did the Buddhist order food at McDonald's?

Because all life is suffering.

 

OK, that's a good one.

 

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

 

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
HOMER SIMPSON: Mmmmmm.....chicken..