No Idiots Allowed Fantasy League

Three monks sat by the side of a lake and closed their eyes in meditation. Then suddenly, the first one stood up and said, "I forgot my mat." He steeped miraculously onto the water in front of him and walked across the lake to their hut on the other side.

When he returned, the second monk stood up and said, "I'm going to get a snack." He too walked calmly across the water and returned the same way.

The third monk watched the first two carefully in what he decided must be the test of his own abilities. "Is your learning so superior to mine? I too can match any feat you two can perform," he declared loudly and rushed to the water's edge to walk across it. He promptly sunk into the deep water.

Undeterred, the monk crawled out of the water and tried again, and again, only to sink each time. This went on for some time as the other two monks watched.

After a while, the second monk turned to the first and said, "Do you think we should tell him where the rocks are?"

 

There was a young monk in China who was a very serious practitioner of the Dharma. Once, this monk came across something he did not understand, so he went to ask the master. When the master heard the question, he kept laughing. The master then stood up and walked away, still laughing. The young monk was very disturbed by the master's reaction. For the next three days, he could not eat, sleep nor think properly. At the end of three days, he went back to the master and told the master how disturbed he had felt.
When the master heard this, he said, 'Monk, do you know what your problem is? Your problem is that YOU ARE WORSE THAN A CLOWN!'
The monk was shocked to hear that, 'Venerable Sir, how can you say such a thing?! How can I be worse than a clown?'
The master explained, 'A clown enjoys seeing people laugh. You? You feel disturbed because another person laughed. Tell me, are you not worse than a clown?'
When the monk heard this, he began to laugh. He was enlightened.

 

A monk on his journey home came to the banks of a wide river. Staring hopelessly at the great obstacle in front of him, he pondered for hours on just how to cross such a wide barrier.
Just as he was about to give up his journey, he saw a great teacher on the other side of the river.
The monk yelled to the teacher, 'Oh master, can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river?'
The teacher looked up and down the river and yelled back, 'You already are on the other side.'

 

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt.

 

Q: How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
A: Blue.

 

Destruction 40, Evil Hots 40?

Stattracker down, but I believe that's a final.

 

Chris,
Go clean your bowl.
Sincerely,
Buddha

 

The Well Known Football Team disavows a previously posted message under our owner/manager's handle.
Such a message could be construed as gloating, and WKFT does not condone gloating.
We now return you to the trading of koans.

Just as the soft rains fill the streams,
pour into the rivers and join together in the oceans,
so may the power of every moment of your goodness
flow forth to awaken and heal all beings,
Those here now, those gone before, those yet to come.

 

I have to go pee after reading that.

 

I think this is Buck's mating call to Flipper.

 

An old Zen master always told this fable to unserious students: Late one night a blind man was about to go home after visiting a friend. "Please," he said to his friend, "may I take your lantern with me?"

"Why carry a lantern?" asked his friend. "You won't see any better with it."

"No," said the blind one, "perhaps not. But others will see me better, and not bump into me." So his friend gave the blind man the lantern, which was made of paper on bamboo strips, with a candle inside.

Off went the blind man with the lantern, and before he had gone more than a few yards, "Crack!" - a traveler walked right into him. The blind man was very angry. "Why don't you look out?" he stormed. "Why don't you see this lantern?"

"Why don't you light the candle?" asked the traveler.