No Sex, Please. We're Republicans

"People in their 20s?" No wonder they GOP is cracking down. You're out there having orgies, FDP.

 

Someday in the future, I really look forward to filling out this section on my taxes:


Please answer the question below and circle any of the following that apply to see what deductions you're eligible for under the Americans for Traditional Values Act.

The following best describes a typical sexual experience for me:

-Lights off, missionary only, complete silence, praying for conception ($1,000 credit)

-Lights on, missionary, limited eye contact, occasional noise, withdrawl method ($600 credit)

-Lights dimmed, female on top, Fox News on the television, but muted ($400 credit)

-Lights on, doggie-style, in Vegas hotel room with person I just met and married 20 mins. ago ($150 credit)

-In European sex club, unable to stay hard because frigid wife can't get past her sexual hang-ups ($50 credit)

-With cousin, in the bed of my pick up, but I promise to support the president next election ($200)

-With congressional page, but don't worry, she's female, plus I voted twice for your goddamn bankruptcy bill ($300,000 credit; Congressman only)

-With football recruit at frat party, but only because coach Fulmer asked me personally ($500 credit; female only)

-Other (Sorry, you are not eligible for a credit at this time)

 

Needless to say, Boots will be paying the full amount.

 

Three Bags --

I don't know how else to say it. They're trying to legislate right-wing Christian morality.

What business is it of the government's if consenting adults have sex? Really?

You can't think of 100 other places this money could be better spent off the top of your head?

 

This is none of the government's f'n business. Not a new low for these creeps -- but close.

This is INSANE.

 

These aren't Republicans.

This is f'n Salem.

Arthur Miller is gyrating in his grave.

 

I saw Goody Proctor walking with the devil!

 

No, he's right --- that's pretty much what the Loony Pseudo-Christian Right wants to do. Fornication is a greater sin than failure to donate to charity, in their opinion.

 

Sex is dirty.

 

Republicans can be free-wheelin, fun-lovin' folks.

They just hate it when people not like them gamble, drink, screw and take drugs.

It's unseemlier, somehow.

 

Sex is fun.
sex is great when it;s...one-on-one.