Numb and making mistakes left and right

I should add that I told the shrink that I couldn't even remotely imagine my dad going to a therapist but that I don't think he'd have a problem with me doing it. I felt a bit wimpy doing it, but it was the right thing to do. You want to be stoic or you want to work through it? Those were my options as I saw them.

 

JD--
I second talking to your boss, as it sounds like a leave of absence is not possible or something you don't want to do right now. ...

It also sounds like you're a writer. ... If you're just a writer, depending on what your shop is like, mention a word to the deskers as well, let them know you're struggling a little bit, and you're trying, but maybe they need to take a little extra care with your stuff for a while. ...

And get well soon, too.

 

I applaud you Frank Ridgeway

Too many people never accept the fact that they need to work through it and never seek help. I'm not proposing that everyone needs to see a psychologist or psychiatrist after a major life event, but there are a lot of people who do. Most never will because of the stigma of needing a shrink...having those around them think they have serious problems.
A good, professional doctor will do exactly what your did. Get help you to resolve your issues on your own and move on with your life. The money for 5-6 or however many sessions you need is worth it compared to years of possible misery.

 

J_D --
I third Frank's recommendation. The therapy doesn;t even have to be heavy. Just go in and read your first post to the therapist. See where it goes from there.
And, if you can, stop thinking in advance. The AA people are right about the One Day At A Time business. You're numb now, today, so don't borrow trouble about how you're going to feel at training camp and stuff. Prophecies become self-fulfilling.
And, of course, PM any time.

 

Agree with everything said above. I experienced something pretty horrific several years ago, and it took lots of praying, exercise just to release the anger/rage and talking with my father to work through it. Nothing wrong at all with counseling, and if you have a church/religious denomination you are a part of, that may also help.

 

I'll fourth the recommendation for therapy.

After you've gone through something like this, you find yourself surrounded by people who ... for lack of a better word ... are sympathizing with you. In some ways, they're often treating you with kid gloves. Which is not something you want, not something you ask for, but something that happens anyway.

What's nice about therapy is that a good doctor will not be unbearably sympathetic, he/she will be objective. And you can talk to an objective observer who can help you sift through your emotions and *deal* with them, instead of avoid them or, worse, placate them.

As was said earlier, many people see therapy as the "wimp" way out and get sucked into the stigma of it. It's not. Acknowledging that you can't get through something alone is not "wimpy." Asking for help is not "wimpy." That's what you have friends for, that's what you have family for. But sometimes, it helps to have someone on the outside when your mind is so clouded with grief and emotion. And that's where therapy can help. That's just my perspective on it.

Good luck.

 

Shakespeare wrote: "When sorrows come, they come not as single spies, but in battalions."

 

In keeping with the notion of prayer and what I suppose is my corrupt (though I prefer adapted) use of the Catholic faith, here are a few specialists to call on in time of need:

St. Francis de Sales, patron of writers, authors, journalists
St. John the Apostle, patron of writers, editors, publishers and friendships
St. Lucy, patron of writers and against eye problems
St. Paul, patron of "newspaper editor staffs" (I swear this is what it says), writers, reporters and journalists
St. Francis of Assisi, patron of families and peace
St. Clare of Assisi, patron of telephones
St. Jude Thaddeus, patron of desperate situations
St. Joseph, patron saint of Baton Rouge, carpenters and real estate (for your sister & her family being near homes with sad memories)

source: http://www.catholic-forum.com/saints/indexsnt.htm

And, SportsJournalists.com ... not exactly a collection of saints, but we'll keep lighting candles for you, J_D.

 

Thank you to everyone who posted and PMd. Beautiful advice and thoughts from all of you.

The funeral is tomorrow morning. These are thoughts I will take with me, there and when I get back to work Tuesday.

 

Belated condolences here, J_D.

I've found that when times have been tough for me, opening up to those I'm close to at work has helped. They're the ones who see you as much as anyone.

 

There have been many good long-term solutions mentioned here, but there are still those moments when you're staring at the computer screen, unable to focus, certainly unable to do your job, you've got a case of the "I don't wannas" and you need to pull it together fast.

I've found that the best solution to those moments is to get out: go walk around the block, go to the other side of the building, go to the breakroom and down a giant glass of water, go splash some water on your face in the bathroom, whatever. Take the first five minutes to steep yourself in the moment or the thought, then take the next five to pull yourself together.

Taking ten minutes for yourself is better than being worthless for several hours. And if people don't understand, fuck 'em.

 

I second the advice Shotglass provides. It's never better to bottle up emotions. Even trying to contain laughter has caused a few inadvertent squirts in the ol' underpants.

So be open with people you know. Everyone faces these types of issues. Go to your boss and mention that you're having a tough time and ask if he/she has been through this sort of thing. If you go in seeking advice, you're going to get a lot more sympathy than if you walk in and drop a vague bomb that you need two weeks off for personal issues.

The toughest part for me is always trying to understand why, particularly when someone commits suicide. Ask questions to the right people, and you're likely to get answers. If it still bothers you, become involved. Stop by and tell them you had a tough time when your mom died and you know they're going through some things. Offer to help, whether it's just to take the kids camping for a weekend or to mow the lawn. What that family needs more than anything is to see that someone understands how much pain they're going through.

Maybe you'll come to think of that family as your own. Or maybe you'll inspire one of the kids in some way. Even if you just cook them a nice meal that gets them smiling for a few minutes, it would probably mean the world to them. I hate to be corny, but it's time to make lemonade.

And remember something else. Some of it might be related to work. Take a long look at your situation and ask yourself if it's time for something different. Perhaps there's been something boiling below the surface for months that disregarded until all of this happened.

I hope that helps a bit. I just know you'll be fine soon. I would pray for you, but I'm an atheist. So I'll just wish you well and offer my sympathies.